Wicked City

80 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
10/17/2000

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I'm not gonna lie to you people. I like Wicked City. Hell, I fucking LOVE Wicked City. Not only does it hold a special place in my heart as being one of the earliest animes I'd ever seen, but it's got a couple of kickass characters going around trying to save the world from demons intent on raping -everything-. Well, that's basically the plot of the movie anyway. This movie rocks hard and rocks all night long, but it'd be a lot better if it weren't for shit like giant worms mouth raping people and spider women with crotches that go 'chompy-chompy' (displayed at right). I've never really seen a hentai show, but I'm guessing this is about as sexual as you can get without technically being called hentai. While it takes less than five minutes for the sexin's to get started they're not a constant theme of the show. Hell, with all the bad stuff that happens to the people who go after a good bit of the poon in this show I'm convinced that I'll never want to have sex again. I mean, seriously...you run the risk of 1) getting your wee willy bitten off by someone's crotch 2) Getting shot in half 3) Getting a fucking evil worm jammed down your throat. No thanks, I'll just stay home.

Our hero and all around badass is Taki Renzaburo, eletrical salesman by day, Black Guard by night. The Black Guard's kind like a special secret police force dedicated to keeping the scum demons of the 'Black World' away from the general public who doesn't even know they exist. That's not to say there aren't some nice ones too. Sound familiar? Yeah, Men in Black ripped it off a few years later. Even better? Taki has a relatively small and unassuming gun that causes him to fly back a few meters every time he fires it. Damn, why not just steal the whole plot? One thing Barry Sonnenfield left out of his little 'adaptation' with Will Smith is that Black World girls have nookie that tastes sweet as sugar apparently. Now that's what I'm talking about.

But there's one more thing Mr. Sonnenfield couldn't quite get and that's because this plot is, without a doubt, irreplacable. Taki and his partner from the Black World, the beautiful and skilled Makie, are assigned to protect one Giuseppi Mayart until he's able to sign the peace treaty that's gonna keep thing okay with the Black World for a good 500 years. Seems this guy was around for the LAST peace treaty. That was a good two hundred years ago. Let me tell you, he's got the wrinkle lines to show it. Though his blue running suit is just classic 80s. I should know, I used to have one just like it.

All that's in the way of the two Black Guards is a whole bunch of demons who sure love raping everyone in sight. If I had to count Makie gets raped three times in this eighty minute fiesta, -three- times, and that's counting the gang rape as one. This is supposed to be the girl who can defend herself, hell...she saves Taki in the first twenty minutes. I guess it's that little flower between her Black Worlder legs drivin' everyone crazy. That and the fact that she looks sweet as shit in that suit and tie. I don't think I'd be able to resist.

So it's a trial through the night to protect Mister Mayart from the radical Black World rebels who don't think signing that peace treaty would be the best idea in the world. However, they sure do seem to like their forced sex. My problem is all that nasty demon rape stuff really detracts from the fact that Wicked City does indeed have a kickass story and some pretty cool action scenes to boot. It's something I'm damn proud to own and I'd buy it again...only I wouldn't...because one copy is really enough for me.

All in all though, Wicked City is a kickass movie with kickass characters who do kickass things. Like I said before it rocks on, and hard, and all night long. From the first time Taki lights a cigarette to the freeze frame at the end you'll be all about this bad boy. The only problem is that you'll squirm in embarassment every time a woman's chest turns into a giant vagina. You may want to watch this one without anyone else in the room so you won't feel like a moron when stuff like that pops up.

But like I've said, this movie's a winner. And it's a winner with a Streamline dub to boot. The character designs look just plain cool, even the demons...well, when they're not trying to show their hibbie-hos up people's hoo-has anyway. If you can ignore the fact that there's more sex in this than the average anime watcher is gonna get in their entire life anyway...you might just like Wicked City. But don't let me tell you, let the kickass trailer clue you in.