Revolutionary Girl Utena #1 CPM 170 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 07/27/1999

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You don't have to tell me how long it's been because I know. I personally blame my "flash roll" and it's unbelievable power to make me go out and buy shitty games that should've been better considering their predecessor was like, the best game ever made for any platform. But enough of that. We all knew that my fairly reasonable streak of multiple reviews every week was gonna end sometime, and what better time than the time when I didn't really feel like doing anything anyway? And in a way I felt somewhat cleansed for the three weeks that I didn't watch a single Japanese cartoon. It was as if I were Peter coming to the tomb on that Sunday morn. There was a revelation and all my guilt was washed away. It's good to be back, but I can't say I don't miss those carefree no obligation days. But we've got a new guy on the hall here and with his exhortations I came back to the fold. I had to rewatch Utena sometime despite the fact that I really didn't want to. Two and some hours of anime is way too much to be watching at once, especially when it's a show like this. I would've gladly stayed in my hole of anime innocence, but I knew I had a greater obligation. There were people that needed me. People like Joe Bob, and Pedro, and Little Curly. The three longtime readers of my site whose hearts were breaking. What anime should they watch? Without my carefully worded descriptions and complete disregard for things like "plot" and "characters" they were lost.

Much like the one who found themselves watching this show would be. If anyone tells me they understand Revolutionary Girl Utena I want you to punch them in the face, then send me your invoice and I'll gladly pay you in full. Utena is one of the most ridiculous shows I've ever seen. Not because it's totally off the wall, but because what it does is so low key. Never once does anyone ackowledge that monkey mice and floating castles are kind of weird and hey maybe they shouldn't BE HERE. No. Everything about this show is perfectly normal in the show's continuity and as they say down south "That's dumb". Also, this show has a strange way of acting like all these people have been around the school for at least a term prior and yet seem to know nothing about anyone who attends the place. The title character is constantly asking 'who's that' and 'where's that' and it really started to piss me off. I understand that there's a need to show the viewers what's going on...but I find it hard to believe that the so called "hot and popular girl on campus" doesn't know jack shit about the goings on in said campus.

But I guess that's what her longtime friend and homosexual innuedo spouting lover Wakaba is for. Does every animation show in existance how to include some veiled references to homosexuality in it? Listen girl, just because you say she's a "he" don't make it true and just because she wants to be a prince doesn't mean she's got the sausage to stuff your sweetmeat. Fortunately that junk kind of calms down after the first two episodes... Or so you'd think it was...until you realize that people are saying Utena's "engaged" to the Rose Bridge a bit much. Again, I understand that this is supposed to be some sort of "far out wild and crazy!" anime but I have limits to my patience. So are Utena and her new Indian friend Anthy lovers or are they really just good friends? I mean...seriously. Not that I have anything against the fairer sex sharing a large hunk of plastic...but I'd like to have it be made totally clear to me. When they beat around the (metaphorical) bush I really just start to get angry at the show and wish I was doing something else. Then I start doing something else and miss the grade schooler boxing the kangaroo.

Yeah, you heard me right. But let's disregard that entire statement because it's just too stupid to understand anyway. In other news I'm completely convinced that Kunihiko Ikuhara is a pervert. And I vaguely remember something about Sailor Moon that would seem to suggest that my assumptions are correct...but my mind is drawing a blank right now and I'm about to pop a blood vessel in my brain because my monitor's image is shaking more than methadone patient and I haven't the slightest idea why. So in conclusion, I would probably suggest that you do NOT buy this. You need the money more than you need to see some chick pulling a sword out of another chick's chest. I've spent a long time trying to find out what exactly the meaning behind that is and I've come up with nothing. Utena's as non-cliche anime as it gets...and in being so it paradoxically joins the cliche of anime that tries so hard to be non-cliche it's just as boring as the stuff with huge tits and a gallon of blood a minute. Now if you'll excuse me. I have to give my video card a "talking to".