The Irresponsible Captain Tylor: #3 The Rightstuf 150 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 03/14/2000

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I'm not entirely quick on the uptake and what's more, the idea of male nudity (no matter how slight) totally blinds me to anything of quality in whatever might contain said nudity. So really, it came to me as quite a shock when, last week while cleaning out my brother's old room at the casa de mi parentos, I found myself humming a very curious tune. That tune? Just Think of Tomorrow, the very theme to this very show. Upon listening to it in full, I found myself almost shedding the proverbial 'single tear'. So, I decided that I had been away from one of the best shows to ever grace any shore, beit Ninhonjin's or American's. This Friday, I sat myself down in the library of our beloved university for six episodes of the show I love to love so well. You know, I don't quite think I've been giving Tylor its fair and proper due. More than a classic farce of a tale, Tylor goes even so far as to show us that it can put a new spin on the duly overused "schoolgirl crush". Fine, I wouldn't want to see something like THAT anyway, but when Tylor's handing it to me like the played out plotlines might as well be ambrosia itself.

Plus, they've got crazy old samurai-esque guys and chancellors named "Wang". There's a few quality lines in anime, lines so good as to be unforgettable. I submit that "Silence, Wang!" is one of them. I mean, I certainly could've stood not having to hear it voiced by Lisa Ortiz, but hey...you win some, you lose some. Lisa Ortiz, I'm sorry that I have this ingrained need to voice how much I don't like your acting style, but it's just not my thing. I mean, come on, did you really need -three- roles in this show? But I wouldn't forfeit a wonderful Crispin Freeman job for anything in the world, he IS playing the title role after all. And what an impassioned role it is! The apparently dunderheaded Tylor allows himself to be captured by the enemy, befriends their emperess, gets brainwahed, gets cured, makes the sixteen year old emperess jealous (this providing for the perfect "off-center" shot). You know, I never thought that you could top scientists shrinking themselves down at the World's Fair and entering the giant fire breathing turtle Gamera, but I'll be damned if they didn't do it in the episode I've affectionately titled "Journey to the Center of the Tylor".

I would imagine that things didn't go as smoothly as they did when the giant turtle was rescued because in the next episode, the very NEXT episode, Tylor turns down a love soaked tryst with twins. Let's just say that the removal of the brainwashing might not've went as well as some of us could've hoped.TWINS! Thoughts of incest aside, that's a pretty sweet deal...but I am not a spaceship captain and I certainly don't understand the responsibilities associated with such, so while I might not have the perspicacity to see why our beloved main character has to send away the twins, a Korean, and whomever else might be bent on getting laid that night, that doesn't mean it's necessarily wrong. Though it certainly feels as such! But that's not for me to comment on and let's give our good captain a break, he had some serious Three's Comapny action going on right there! You can be sure that secreting away your othersexed roommates from Mr. Roper doesn't hold a candle to Tylor's frenzied attempt to hide a porno tape from a killer android saturated with what I believe you might hear called "Manimal lust". There's no love lost between me and killer robots, don't get me wrong, but as Andrew might attest, there is a soft spot in my heart of the Wynnona Ryder Alien Resurrection-style super hot bot, yes indeed.

But that's not what Tylor's about, constant sexual attentions and the like, and I'm glad for that...because then I wouldn't like Tylor one bit. Tylor's about love and compassion, and tough Marine Sargents in pink Rock 'em Sock 'em robot outfits. Hey, if that's their style then who am I to blame 'em? and if the aliens all look like Arabian versions of the elves from The Lord of the Rings then really, is something so wrong with that? No, nothing's wrong with that one bit. There's not much to say about Tylor other than that it's really, really good...I mean, this has got to be one of the best shows ever made, and it all slipped under your radar. If you heard about it, then forget you, I don't need your support anyway. But if you haven't heard about it, then what are you waiting for? When you buy Tylor, you're buying quality. Goofy pink battle suits and killer lust robots and sixteen year old alien lolita crap. It doesn't sound like much on the surface, but damn if it doesn't come together in a way that makes me want to sex my TV screen in a way most foul. Thank you Tylor, you've made me believe in me again.