The Irresponsible Captain Tylor: #2 The Rightstuf 175 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 03/14/2000

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I've got a plan. See, The Rightstuf has been a little delinquent about getting me some very important merchandise. The item in question, of course, is the very important Bubblegum Crisis 2040 art box by Mr. Paul Champagne. Even though their website says it has "531" in stock it's apparently "on order from the manufacturer". So I've decided to give them a little incentive. I recently cancelled a lost credit card, the same card that the order happened to be on. Therefore, until this item gets BACK in stock you can bet that they're sure as hell not getting anything from me. Or they wouldn't be anyway, but I thought this plan up about a week ago, then I watched Tylor and so I figured it'd be a pretty good lead in. But a lot can happen in seven days and I finally got off my ass and gave them my new credit card information. I know, you might say I "pussied out" or that I "let the man win". But truth be told, my great plan was just an afterthought. I only took so long in giving them the new information because I'm so damn lazy, yet I made it look like I was being a revolutionary genius.

I'd like to think that these actions would put me in a similar league as our man Tylor. While this isn't necessarily appropriate, a man can still dream. The seven episodes of this disc are another literal tour de force of Tylor's talent as an amateur problem solver. Whether he's sensing the natural talent of the two most annoying anime twins in the universe (which is a tough call to make when you consider OTHER twins in the anime genre) or singlehandedly causing an enemy fleet to destroy itself by simply running away, Tylor proves that he's certainly got the stuff and the whole "moron" thing is just a front. Or was it? Tylor looks like a more complicated character than you'd normally see in an animated program, but after reviewing things I'd be willing to say that he's a lot more simple than you'd think. We've seen him more and more as time goes on, I mentioned that last time. He's basically Vash the Stampede without being such a damn pussy, and the women actually seem to respond pretty favorably to him.

Especially one very special nurse Harumi in the episode entitled (and I warn you, this could be the best title ever written) "Life is Short, So Girls Should Kill". The nurse is revealed to be a Raalgon spy and goes about trying to kill Tylor and failing miserably at every turn. This is something that would generally send me over the deep end, you all know that...but here it doesn't. It's Tylor after all, I just have to trust in the fact that it knows what it's doing and everything's going to work out all right. While I might be more inclined to boot the traitorous bitch out of the airlock myself, Tylor shows a bit more leniency. On second thought this would seem to be the better decision. Think about it, Harumi's a pretty fine catch and saving her life by not revealing her pretty much guarentees some action. But how smart can Tylor be? He's not a real person after all. So I think the credit is due to the wonderful people who thought him up, and who made a show where even a girl slapping a guy doesn't seem as trashy as it normally does when animated entertainment is on the menu. If I was being an ass and my inaction was threatening to get my entire crew demoted, I'd certainly want the very attractive officer on deck to give me a slap to the face. Then I'd slap her right back, then the lusty love making would ensue.

I'm sorry to subject you to my rather violent sexual fantasies involving angry short haired girls, but sometimes that's just how things go. There's nothing quite so attractive as a girl who thinks she can take you down in a fight. Thusly, Tylor's ship is jam packed with girls who can both look killer in a mini-skirt and push guys around with the best of them. A part of me feels a little bad for endorsing a show that advocates "slapping" (even just though it's just the one time) but Tylor has ingrained itself in my psyche. And there it's going to stay barring anyone getting blown out of the side of a plane by a crazy coked-up bitch. So while Tylor might be a little too much Three's Company at times it's still better than so much else you might happen to watch. Sure, you can say "I think this is the one where some crazy misunderstanding" happens and be right every time, but even that cliched crap can be interesting given the right circumstances. It's not the misunderstanding that matters, but WHAT the misunderstanding is. Or so the judge who slapped that restraining order on me would say.