Sailor Moon S:
The Movie
Pioneer
60 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
05/23/2000
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Sailor Moon S:
Pioneer
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There's this guy at my work named Oliver, and let me tell you, he's a total tool. He walks around with a scarf wrapped around his shoulders singing fucking Bing Crosby and then has the nerve to tell me (indirectly by saying it to one of my co-workers while I'm standing there) that I shouldn't act like I'm black. I'm sorry, I didn't know "Be cool man" was such a racially tilted phrase. Because, yeah, everyone knows your snobby ass is just haaaardcore Ghe-tto. Bitch doesn't even do any work. Now, that's indicative of quite a few people on the waitering staff...but this guy was clocked in for five hours last night and more often than not I found the idiot standing around talking to people. God dammit! I just wanted to crack his head open. Why does there always gotta be that -one- guy at work I absolutely can't stand? So now that I've provided you with an idea of one of the things I most hate, you'll understand that I don't dislike Sailor Moon nearly as much as all that. It has it's moments, but I'm sticking to my guns and telling you all that it's still really not for people who have graduated past their training bras. And if you don't wear a bra at all, well fuck man you might turn fruity just from reading this! Get out of here! Turn back now! ... Just kidding, this review won't make you attracted to memebers of the same sex, that'd be a Clamp review if anything. |
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It's just another day in the city, Usagi and the gang are watching a giant TV in some square that speaks about Himeko, chosen for a very important space project leaving Earth in the next few days. Let me tell you, she's also quite the looker...which is where my problem with the whole thing lies. Have you ever seen an attractive female astronaut? I haven't. Maybe I haven't been looking hard enough, but I think the answer lies in another direction. There's a clandestine reason why we don't send hot girls into space. With only 5-6% of our population able to be labeled "hot" we just can't afford to lose them. Just a few 'space accidents' and the percentage of hot girls goes down to four, or maybe even three of the general population. Would you like to live in a world without attractive people? I know I wouldn't! Fine, I'm shallow. But everyone likes to hang around beautiful people, I'm just willing to admit it. But that's not the crux of this movie's story. Luna (she's the cat) gets picked up by the kind hearted but idealistic Kakeru, who coincedentally happens to Himeko's boyfriend. She soon falls in love and starts thinking all kinds of nasty things. Luna, I know you like him and all, and he did hook you up with the Sugar Stars, but what you're thinking of isn't only so disgusting I want to poke out my eyes, but it's not physically possible. Cat, person, no worky. |
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Meanwhile, this Ice princess up on ANOTHER giant meteor is planning to cause a little trouble by freezing the whole world for...really no reason at all. I guess in this show villains just do things because they feel like it. It's kind of like when I start punching the hell out of Andrew and then he gets all upset and I have to pretend like I'm sorry but ten minutes later I'm back there doing it again. It's not MY fault, I like to punch people and when he's around he's such an easy target. I blame the system. You know, I'm really starting to feel the vibe of this Haruka chick. New to the "S" series, she's got the short hair and wears a tie so I can't exactly complain. Another thing, I'm really liking how Japanese people say the names of their special powers. Maybe it's just because they can't pronounce english worlds, but when Haruka/Uranus screams "Uwodo Shakingu!" instead of "World Shaking" I can't help but get a little antsy in my pants. Well, it's either that or I have to try not to laugh my ass off. Still, I can't help but wonder if this is gonna make me force my will upon future sexual partners. "Say 'Mars Fire Ignite!' bitch! Don't make me slap your ass back to last Tuesday!"
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Unfortunately, I'm more or less on the outs with anyone who would give me any such nookie. Artemis the cat probably feels where I'm coming from. For so long his clumsy ways have left him on the outs from that uptight Luna pussy** and now this filthy human Kakeru is stepping in and trying to mess up his groove anymore. If I was him I'd bust out all ninja style and break the loser's back in three places. That'd teach him to give MY lady a bow. So what am I trying to say? I don't really like -watching- Sailor Moon but it sure is enjoyable to laugh at it. I could just sit here and make jokes about it for hours on end. Which I'm sure wouldn't be very enjoyable to you guys out there, but hey...you could always go read MegaTokyo. (PS : For the love of god please don't read MegaTokyo) |
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