Saber Marionette J #3 Bandai 200 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 06/19/2001

Back To S Listings

Otaru : Shit sticks! Watching a third of a series in subtitles makes you tired as crap. I tried the english track, really I did...it was awful! I've said it twice before but really I just can't press this enough, as a dub fan this series makes me feel like killing myself...after going on a murderous rampage after a good majority of the dub cast. Really, I think Lime's actor did it for me, but when you start hating one thing you pretty much have to start hating everyone else just to be fair. I guess I really didn't do that with Slayers, but who cares? Lisa Ortiz is enough to focus pretty much all the hatred I can muster for a week. That's a LOT, a wise and very large person once said "You can't be a little more angry than Dave, you're either less angry...or the DEVIL!" and it's true, Dave is a very angry man. Nothing pisses me off more than crappy dub tracks. If I can sit through M.D Geist's english language version I should be able to bear pretty much anything but no! Fate and the gods have proven me wrong again and the evil of Saber Marionette J in English returns to haunt me. On the other hand I had a blast watching the Spanish track.

 

If ever there was an anime episode where "Somebody set up us the bomb" would apply, it would be on this disc, and it is. Fuhrer Faust is all kinds of pissed off at his stupid marionettes screwing everything up and so he's dismissed them from service, the city is under attack by his creation the Sadelberg, a giant bomb. This city's gonna blow! To save the town Otaru and his friends must ressurect the giant robot Japonessgaur, but how? Can even the ultimate power of the flying fists of Japonessgaur save their town from destruction? Another problem posed to them is that the ever faithful marionettes Luchs, Tiger, and Panther just won't give up. Even though he's beaten and whipped them they just keep wanting to serve that crazy bastard. You don't think that's a bit weird? If you consult psychiatry books you'll realize that they're in some sort of passive agressive relationship or something. The point is they take beatings and just keep coming back for more, I'm sure they just love giving him the mad sexual affections too...or do they?

Why doesn't the show just go and confuse the hell out of me already? It would seem that marionettes are indeed NOT made for sexual attention and that anyone who uses them for such is labeled a "filthy marionette lover", then stoned and run out of town. At least, that's the way they do things in Japoness. Then on the flip side there's a whole speech about how marionettes are the teachers and lovers of the men of Terra II. So what the hell is the deal here? I myself would be too scared to "do the dirty" with one of those things, I think it'd be a bit too much like boning a retarded person. "Doggy style again master?" That's right! I'm not looking at your empty face, why didn't someone take the time to program up a "smile routine" or something. If the people of the future can coax so much genetic variation from six people than you'd think they could make a marionette that didn't talk in monotone. Hell, why not whip up a whole bunch of maiden circuts and pass them around? I'd rather have a billion butch Bloodberries than those scary dolls they try and pass off as people.

 

The ending though? What about the ending? I don't know, the episode "The Big Barbeque Party of Light and Darkness"** seemed so much like filler even though it's during the final story arc. Don't worry I'm not a complete pansy so I won't whine about filler. I think really I liked the first seventeen episodes of the show a lot better than the last eight, though there were some pretty tear jerking moments in there that caused a choice friend to laugh their ass off at me. Just for the record I -didn't- cry, I just FELT like it, that's all! It was SAD okay? It's not my fault that they put this melodrama in there that's so forced they need a tube of KY Jelly to get it across. I'd probably be pretty close to tears if I watched Bambi again and saw the kid's mother die. Those hunters, how could you!? Saber Marionette J was cool, I'd buy it (and I did) and since you can get the whole thing for the area of ninety dollars it's not a bad way to collect a complete series. Bandai scores again with the gigantic collections of two disc sets if only they weren't such a burden to watch all at once. I can't wait to hit 12 episodes of Haunted Junction in one sitting, what is that...like six hours? Oh yeah, it's gonna be a loooooong summer. Maybe I'll take a sick day...hm...

**Possibly the best name for an episode in the history of the world.