Samurai X #2:
Betrayal

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60 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
11/14/2000

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I don't know if anyone's told you this, but there's one really specific thing you need to know in regards to anime, and Samurai X is only too willing to teach it to you. That thing is, and I hope you're ready for this, ninjas blow up forests. Pine trees, osage, oak...it really doesn't matter. The point is, if you see a giant guy dressed in black and dragging around an even bigger axe, take a moment to ask him if he wouldn't mind planting a bomb in the middle of a bunch of coniferous trees. The answer will come back the same every time. Yes, yes for the love of GOD yes. I wouldn't be able to begin to tell you why this was left out of the history books. Regardless, the next time you catch a glance of a shadow hopping across the rooftops...you'd be wise to stay well out of the way of any evergreens. Just a word to the wise.

And I'm gonna make a formal apology to JL right now for not mentioning him last time. JL is the first and foremost fan of these OVAs. Why it is he entered the fold of semi-anime fandom I don't know. But I do know WHAT caused it, 400 ccs of Kenshin. He was so doped up on the wandering warrior that he gladly watched the first four discs of the TV show before he realized, hey...this really isn't nearly as good.


So here's to you JL, while you're out there on the other end of the world partying it up with your school's mascot...the ANGRY TREE, I'll pour a forty out on the curb and watch one of the best shows in rememberance of you. You might be coming back for the summer in just a few short months, but by then I will have already forgotten you and replaced you with some sort of facsimile-JL. I know there aren't a lot of Jewish Asians hanging around, but I've steeled myself towards the task of finding one.

There is, however, none of those to be found within the confines of this DVD's hour of power...though you will be glad to hear that another terrible dub actor is added to the cast near the midway point of the two episodes you'll find therein. I don't know if he's entirely bad, or if it's just a case of miscasting...but the ten year old body certainly sounds a whole hell of a lot like he's...I don't know...FORTY. And yes, I realize the hypocrisy I'm showing when I basically made the same statement from a contrary position in the other review I posted today. Well, fine...if you don't like it then you don't have to stick around.

 

And now that those playa hatas have left, I can really get down to the meat of things. First, what's up with the random CG/live action stuff that's suddenly popping up here? Coupled with the fact that basically nothing happens during the entire third episode, I can only come to the conclusion that it was created through some sort of drunken bet gone horribly awry. Yes, yes, thank you Kazuhiro Furuhashi...but I really think I would've managed not to cry myself to sleep every night if the waves were animated and not cut and pasted through some sort of unholy Adobe Premere 6.0 ritual. Some things just don't fly with me, and sending in the live action brigade is one of them.

Also, on the animation front, as the short series winds to a close, a few of the fights are shown as almost a set of still images. I liked it, it was kind of artistic. Bear, of course, was quick to complain about it because he's the BITCHIEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE when it comes to anime. I know, I know, you figured Andrew would hold that title forever but it seems we have a new winner. I don't know, I guess he needs to say one or to complaints about everything animated we watch or his manhood feels threatened. By the way Bear, Looney Tunes had shitty animation. Sure, all the parts moved but everything in the freaking show was a blob of goo so they kind of had a bit of leeway. I swear to god I'm going to blow up your house.


Don't worry, I say all this and worse to him on a daily basis. You'd need a computer to count how many times I threaten to blow up his house during the course of a day. It's just something about Bear. I have a naturally abusive personality and he's just so jovial it's hard not to take a bit of advantage when the time comes. He can take heart in the fact that I don't honestly mean to do that...though the thing about killing him in his sleep might hold a bit more creedence.

Sorry, I won't ignore the show any longer. We've got precious little time as it is. There's only really two things that made me angry about Samurai X besides the animation crap I just mentioned. 1) The show is so based on movement that no screencap I could take would do it justice. It makes me so angry that I can't convey the beautiful choreography of these fight scenes. And 2) What the hell guys, give me some background or something. I understand that in Japan the Tokugawa shogunate is probably their bread and butter, and they probably know more about it than we do about our Civil War. Hell, the Japanese are such over achievers that they probably know more about our Civil War TOO. Seriously though, I want badly to understand what this show is trying so hard to say to me...is it too much to ask for an insert or something?**


**Considering I wouldn't read it if they did put it in...well, probably yes.