Samurai 7 #1

100 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
Released: 08/23/2005
Reviewed: 10/04/2005

Some years ago Sammy released a video game. This video game was called Samurai 20XX. It was a "reimagining" of Akira Kurosawa's classic film, The Seven Samurai. The characters were transplanted into a future time, a time when robots were the order of the day and... well if there was a village besieged by bandits I never found it. In fact, I'm not really sure if there were even seven of the samurai in 20XX. I sorta quit playing after a couple levels because it was so god awful, both in plot and its lackluster gameplay reminiscent of NES "classic" Renegade. I have little time to play a game where slamming the Square button a thousand times in order to kill a horde of identical robots unlocks the next area where you slam the Square button two thousand times to kill yet another horde of identical robots. Sammy should really stick to Guilty Gear and Pachinko machines.

Needless to say, I adopted a mentality of "once bitten" about anything regarding Seven Samurai remakes that weren't set in the old west. I had no time for futuristic samurai who went around killing cat demons and fox demons and the army of a thousand and one robots. I'm not certain where all these robots came from, but I imagine their fuel and maintenance costs would be prohibitively expensive, especially if they're just attacking farmers for their rice. Has the value of rice skyrocketed in the past 70 years? Can you legitimately fund a robot army on rice?

The world of Samurai 7 is only slightly different. They've eschewed the robotic clones in favor of giant robots who, as Joel tells me, house the souls of the evil bandits. The basic story is the same. A village of farmers bands together to hire samurai to protect themselves from a group of evil bandits. These evil bandits, who have been transmuted into robots, participate in a commodity exchange that involves stealing rice from villagers and trading it to crazy monks who have magic sap that, in turn, fuels their giant robot bodies. It seems to me like an irritatingly circular lifestyle, but what do I know? I've never been a giant robot bandit before. I can't really comment on their needs and wants. I know what I'd do if I was big enough that nobody could stop me: eat a bunch of pie.

It's disastrous, but the bandits don't share my intentions. I am aware of this thanks to the wealth of information I was privileged to have access to while watching it. You see, Joel and Jerry had watched the good majority of this series while it was rolling around in the fansub market. This is no surprise from either of them. Jerry will watch anything with goofy subtitles and Joel will watch anything involving samurai. How could I be sure that I wasn't heading straight into a dismal car crash of anime despair? Both of my viewing compatriots had their own biases where Samurai 7 came into play.

But I got the DVD anyway, mostly at Jerry's request. And I gotta say... Samurai 7 isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Unlike Samurai Champloo, which I thought was the most ingenious idea ever, the idea of futuristic samurai is as silly as it sounds. I mean, frankly, if you're in the present or future times and you've got a sword it better either be some serious Devil May Cry-stuff or that freaky laser sword from Deus Ex. Those options are about the only excuses I could think of where people with guns shouldn't cut you down right there. But, I guess if you have the option to be a robot samurai... well then you might have a fighting chance.

The robot samurai was 90% of the reason why I was down with this show. His character is the wildman, the one that imitates my favorite of the original Seven Samurai. Certainly he's not of the outstanding quality that Toshiro Mifune put into the role, either in character design or voice acting, but it's still a rather unique idea that I wasn't expecting. And watching him is better than having to fight another nine tailed fox boss that hides a cadre of fanatical robot warriors. I tell ya. I'll take a single smart-ass braggart robot over a thousand automatic men with one attack combo to their name any day. He goes a long way towards ameliorating my feelings towards the show. Even minor infractions of androgynous characters can be overlooked in this circumstance!

Yes, there are robot samurai. There are entertainer samurai and effeminate samurai and the very standard 'old man'-type samurai. There are annoying girls, but we're fortunate that these are featured little enough to be almost unnoticeable. That's the main thing that Samurai 7 has got going for it, it doesn't break down boundaries... but it doesn't offend you either. There is very little in this show, if anything, that would get under my skin... and I'm about as sensitive as they come! Oh, I'm sure my good buddy Andrew could find some exceptions with giant robots powered by magical tree sap. That's not necessarily an indicator of a lack of quality, Andrew just hates everything that doesn't have the name "Day" or "of Defeat" in its title. He's not always a good barometer of an anime's quality.

From it's beginning of a poor village under assault until it's episode four battle of old n' wise samurai versus young n' impetuous samurai, there's not a whole lot about this show that isn't strictly by the numbers. But when it doesn't contain maid panties or sickeningly retarded scenes of ten year old girls being trained as killer assassins by the Italian government. Samurai 7 might not be shattering down any boundaries or bringing tears to your eyes, but it's solid swordplay entertainment without a hint of exploitation and sometimes that's all you need.

Also, it never makes you push the Square button. Not even once. ALSO also: This.