Ranma 1/2: Big Trouble In Nekonron China Pioneer 74 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 07/03/2000

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I've been out of the loop for awhile, so correct me if I'm wrong, but when I bought this thing it had about the worst case one could ever imagine. The thing was a cardboard box wrapped around a jewel case. Not even a nice jewel case, just a cheap plastic one like you get those bargain video games in. I mean, come on, Pioneer, you're better than all that. And don't you think you should be treating what would likely be a big cash cow just a little better? I don't know if this is some oddly prescient move on their part and if they were doing this on purpose so three years later they could release a super special edition and make everyone who loves this thing so much go out and buy another copy. It's the same trick that the rest of the movie companies have been pulling for who knows how long, let's just hope that it never bleeds its way into the anime market. You know, this thing has been waiting for a re-review for about a year now. I remember well when I took the screenshots for it, I was just closing off my freshman year in college and I was high on life. A year before I started using my head and writing more than five lines, as I learned that people might actually want to read the things and give the site traffic if there was something even remotely interesting in them.** So, again, a year after that I spend about twenty hours revamping the site in ways you wouldn't be able to imagine. The review layout you see before you today is a product of all that work, and I'd like to think I did a pretty good job. Still, I remember sitting at my desk and taking these screenshots, then never writing up a review for this show. If you didn't read the prior review for Ranma 1/2 : Big Trouble in Nekonron China then be glad you didn't and let's leave it at that.

I'm not a Ranma expert and honestly, aside from the two movies and a single episode of the TV series I've had basically no connection to this show whatsoever. However, I could probably give you a twenty minute long story about how someone gained some power and why this person likes who and how Kuno's all over female-girl-woman-type Ranma (or whatever they call IT) without actually knowing that it's his arch rival (though how that can be escapes me. I hope that it's explained in some fashion in something I haven't watched but...knowing anime, I kind of doubt it). That's what happens when you're tapped directly into the pulse of the anime community. Take my advice and much like the original review of this show (blessedly gone forever) and don't do it if you don't have to. There's not too much to glean from it. So now that I've admitted I'm both an anime dork AND know nothing about this show, let's get on to the movie itself. It starts, as the vast majority of slapstick comedy does, with a misunderstanding. I don't know if there's a book or something somewhere where they write these things down or if everyone who's destined to direct such a comedy is born with a mental link to everyone else destined to direct something similar, but there's some creepy Children of the Corn thing going on here with these shows and it makes me a bit more uncomfortable than I'd care to admit in casual conversation.

So anyway, yeah, the little midget pervert runs around stealing everyone's panties (which I'd assume is common place in this show's universe) and then there's a huge chase scene where it seems like every character that has ever made even a brief apperance has a part to play in it. After about fifteen minutes of solid chasing and such it ends and then everyone's all tired out...but there's no time to rest because there's an elephant breaking down the walls! Then what happens? ANOTHER MISUNDERSTANDING! I'm not saying it's a bad movie or anything, but you'd think that they'd be able to get a better idea to move it along than "Oh, you have the scroll? Well then you must be my bride!" "No wait it's my scroll!" "Nuts to that, I'm gonna kick you to the curb bitch!" and et cetera. And who's this romantic kidnapper trying to make women marry against their will? Why, it's none other than Kirin, the leader of the Seven Gods Martial Artists. What really gets me about this thing is that he refers to himself in the third person. Last time I watched this I watched the sub and I'm pretty sure he didn't do that. So, you know, nothing like that good old American racism to pull you through tough times. Almost all the Chinese characters refer to themselves in the third person. The worst is Kirin, probably because he has the most screen time. "Kilin rikes this. Kilin rikes that. Akane berongs to Kilin." Enough's enough, just because Shampoo does it doesn't mean everyone else does, Shampoo speaks that way in the sub as well as the dub...none of the other characters do! From the way I can figgure it...Shampoo's supposed to be sorta a dunce.

I don't think I really need to explain the basic idea behind the movie because you've probably seen it a thousand times. There's this guy and this girl and they like each other but they really don't know that, so this other guy comes along and says he likes her and then there's a climatic battle in a hundred story tall ancient Chinese castle wherein the main character breaks through all hundred stories with a single punch and creates his own natural hotspring because his nemesis is so skilled with his chopsticks that he blocks all incoming attacks at a blinding speed. So...as far as things go I guess it's not -totally- unoriginal, but we've all heard the basic idea behind it before, except for the part with the water geyser and the chopsticks and the guy who turns into a chick. Other than the very very old-school anime dubbing job though, it's a pretty managable thing they've cobbled together here. At seventy four minutes it's pretty much the perfect length. Ten minutes longer and I probably would've splattered Bear's brains against the wall like so much cherry pie just so I'd have something to do while I was waiting for it to be over. Ten minutes shorter and...well...they certainly wouldn't have been able to fit as many misunderstandings and crazy hijinks in as they did! I want to see more fat men and elephants fall in love, I want more visual jokes about short/old people and how they're short/old (or possibly both!) But most importantly, I want someone who will come and clean up that pile of clothes in my room that's encroaching closer and closer to me bed. If things were perfect she'd be as willing as that Kasumi lady...though, you know, not necessarily about doing my dirty wash.

**FYI, it didn't FREAKING WORK.