Queen Emeraldas
ADV
60 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
11/23/1999
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Queen Emeraldas
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JL: Gee, I wonder who's going to win. The name of the
show is Queen Emeraldas. Not Captain El... whatever. Yes it's true that I don't usually keep the quotes in when I rewrite the reviews, but that one's just so good I couldn't resist. And JL makes a good point about entertainment in general. Even though the evil captain El Domain is drawing a beat on the lovely space pirate Emeraldas and all she has to defend herself is a laser sword, she shows no fear. Why? Because she's the title character and he's just some loser with blue hair. At the end of the day the spaceship is blown up pretty pyrotechnically while Emeraldas emerges without a scratch on her. It's kind of like a game of chicken, only Emeraldas doesn't have a spaceship. But that's okay, because she wins anyway. |
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That's the general theme of animation programs like this, in case you didn't know. Just like the scrappy young lad with the heart of gold, and the rough gang of crooks who...also have hearts of gold. Pretty much everyone has a heart of gold, I guess there was a sale on them or something. Oddly enough, the scrappy youth Hiroshi was gifted with a spine of steel too, because he takes about fifty solid hits from a grown man without gaining any more than a few standard anime bruises. You wouldn't understand it unless you saw it, but this scene is probably the most brutal I've ever seen in any animated program. It barely eeks ahead of M.D. Geist, and that's only because THAT show didn't have any children getting their major organs punched in by people (or robots for that matter) twice their size. At least...I can't remember anything like that. To be fair, the show's all kind of run together by now and I don't particularly care to remember it. |
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And who instigated this fight? Why none other than the remarkable Emeraldas herself. Why? My guess is that she has a sick sadistic/voyueristic streak in her, but I'm not a psychiatrist. Listen, I can forgive a lot of grossly inappropriate actions when they come from a woman who wears a cape, fights with a laser sword, and has a badass scar across her face. I just think it's a little much to send a six year old kid right into a guarenteed six month trip to the ICU. Scrappy only gets you so far Hiroshi. And you know what? That scar isn't so special...it seems like -everyone- has them. Shit man, one of the DOGS in this show has a scar like that. So Emeraldas, you might be a super hot pirate chick and I might love laser swords but when it all comes down to it, you're nothing really special. Okay, that's not fair because if I was part of the rough but kind group of vagrant miners I'd probably do the selfsame thing and get myself captured by a bunch of blue haired aliens. 'Why', you ask? Because she's freaking hot and she has a laser sword. Third time I've said it, I know, but I think it's actually getting MORE valid with every utterance. It's just fortunate that the retarded miners were never in any danger anyway. |
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You want to know why? Because apparently in the FUTURE prisons don't believe in DOORS. I never understood that but in everything having to do with the future the prisoners are always held in these rooms blocked off by laser bars! You know what those are like? Those little electric fences you use to keep dogs in, but dogs are so freaking stupid that they'll take the pain and run right through them, just like fat miners. This is why aliens always lose, because they're so obsessed with laser prison bars. Upon rewatching it I find I certainly don't dislike Leiji Matsumoto as much as I thought I did. This is the man who gave us Starblazers/Yamato after all, so how bad could he be? However, I can't understand this man's penchant for shitty cg and drawing secondary characters in the most bizarre way possible. Calling the artistic style of this show 'unique' would be a gross understatment. I suppose something that involves a female space pirate as the lead character wasn't going to get a bad wrap from me, but I really wish that Mastumoto's ship designs would make SENSE once in awhile. |
