Pokemon #8 :Primeape Problems Pioneer 60 minutes English dub only 09/21/1999

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When last we left Ash and the Mike Reynolds character clone, Ash's squadron of hippies was making their dirty way to Lavender Town, home of ghost pokemon. Ghost pokemon are the only ones that are strong enough to battle the ridiculously overpowered psychic pokemon. My Kadabra, nicknamed Manblaster, had the power of "Recovery". What's more powerful than refilling all your health whenever you want? NOTHING. Kadabra was actually a pretty weak pokemon, but that didn't stop me from loving his spoon weilding ass. Back to business, I think the only reason ghost pokemon are so powerful is because of their incredibly screwed up evolutionary tree. Ghastly, the floating ball...evolves into Haunter, the floating triangle thing. Now,Haunter evolves into Gengar, the non-floating fat pygmy. The only common trait they all have is that they're purple. Ash, Team Rocket, and Chamander manage to meet all three and then the crazy hijinks between loving master and slave Pikachu ensue as the ghosts rip the souls right out of Ash and Pikachu's bodies as a game. While Ash certainly doesn't seem to mind being doomed for all eternity as long as he gets to fly around and tease Misty...it still seems like a pretty bum deal. It all works out eventually and Haunter decides to come along and hang with Ash because Ash played with it.** Time for you to take it and take it harder Gym Leader Sabrina!

Pokemon Hot Girl #8 : Sabrina Sabrina is one scary girl, even if you do disregard the fact that she holds the a little girl, the physical embodiment of her childhood, in her lap all the time. With those red clothes and permanently stony gaze she's obviously way deep into the bondage field. I'm surprised that all the references to "playing with her" didn't involve a leather whip and nipple clamps. She might seem like a good lay, being very cute and all. You might even get the bright idea to put a mirror up so you can see her emotionless face trying to resist the primal urges welling up in her with every thrust. Beware though, the second she reaches for the rubber ball gag and silk scarves, I'd advise you, in the words of Ryan Phillipe of Way Of The Gun fame, to "Get...the fuck...OUT!"

Ash prevails through the power of laughter, and Mike Reynolds thanks the brave Haunter for bringing his daughter back to him. Then it's off and on the road to Celadon City, home of...nothing in particular...save for one badass Mankee. Mankee are monkey pokemon that like to steal "doughnuts"*** from weary travelers and then weird their league official pokemon hats. The whole speech about the hats, how Ash acquired one, and how it was a priceless treasure was great fun, as was watching everyone get beaten by one out of control primate, or is it PrimeAPE? You see, due to excessive amounts of objects hitting it on the head...Mankee evolves right then and there into Primeape, thus becoming the title character of the disc and Ash's next target. The danger doesn't subside, as if you look a Primeape right into the eyes it'll beat you until you're dead and then it'll kill you again. I found myself wondering where the thing got the manacles on its arms, or what the hell a big ball of fur could do...but that's probably just me. If a giant monkey-thing told me to dance you better be damn certain I'd Chacha 'til dawn, I don't argue with things that go "Bwwwwuuuuughhhhaplplplplbwwwwaaaah!"

Announcer : It's wearable, it's washable, and it's...official! Ash : I hate to send in about a million postcards to win that hat! Brock : Poor Ash, loosing an official hat is like losing your best friend

Ash : It's got my hat! Misty : And it never sent in one postcard!

**More Pokemon propoganda? You bet your left pantaloon!