Pokemon
#1 : I choose you Pikachu
Pioneer
60 minutes
English Dub only
12/15/1998
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Pokemon
Pioneer
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Ash : Enjoy your last moments of freedoom pidgey, 'cause your mine. |
| Truthfully, I never even planned to have a single Pokemon or Dragon Ball Z review on this site unless people started giving them away as free gifts to go along with air or something. If someone wanted to pay me in anime to breath I'm sure I'd take it up in a second. If someone wanted to pay me in anime to clean cow pens I'd probably do it, if it was DVD that is. If it was VHS...I'd still probably do it...but I'd do it all half assed! Maybe even quarter assed! The point is I wouldn't buy these things if you threw in a big helping of Jesus. Unless, that is, they were EIGHTY PERCENT off. DVD Planet has been having some pretty ridiculous sales lately. As if the Dragon Ball DVDs weren't bad enough this shipment of seventeen of anime's most wanted have really made my friends and aquaintences think I've absolutely gone off the deep end. What can I say though? I sometimes do enjoy the antics of this wacky bunch of misfit pokemon trainers and watching this is just like watching my infamous Dragon Ball DVDs...it's relaxing 'cause it's not like watching anime...it's like watching a TV show. This is heightened by the fact that it's a really crappy release. Not only is it exclusively English version** but it's three episodes a disc for a series that runs over 300 episodes and is still going. Sorry Viz, but a freakin' full length pokerap isn't going to quell my need for the seizure causing insanity of a little show called Pokemon. |  |
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Now, if you're a hermit and you've lived in a cave by yourself like all good hermits do you might not know what a "Pokemon" is. Sounding like a sexual tactic for finger fetishists you wouldn't be surprised to hear women screaming, "Stop poking my mons!" But no, no...it goes much deeper than that. Reading the above quote it can be assumed that the show is about the unfair enslavement of whatever or whoever the hell a Pidgey is. You wouldn't be that far off. Ash (aka Satoshi) is a ten year old just starting on his pokemon journey to collect all the ones he can and have them battle in a giant cockfight for supremecy of something that's like the olympics crossed with a Disney movie. The evil little bastard children run around and capture animals, holding them in small things called pokeballs until they're ready to make them fight for their lives against other animals held in the little spherical prisons. Assumedly these things distribute morphine or something because the little vermin just LOVE jumping back in their red and white jail cells until they're called up to risk their welfare again. Psycotherapic drugs are definetly what goes on in this scary kid's show with underlying brain washing terms. |
| So Ash wakes up late on the day his journey is supposed to start and when he arrives at the place where he's supposed to get his first pokemon, Professor Oak woefully informs him that there are none left but an outrageously unruly Pikachu. Pikachu is the little yellow rat thing everyone knows and loves. Ash's Pikachu is very angry and not only refuses to get into his portable corrections facility but also shocks everything he sees. You see, Pikachu is an ELECTRIC rat. If that made sense you're either really high or have recently suffered a severe beating. That's not the only problem, as without the hypnotizing drugs the pokeball administers Pikachu has the choice NOT to fight for Ash. This causes Ash to try and capture pokemon himself and end up pissing off a LOT of birds. After a mad dash that involves stealing the bike of an eleven year old redhead in HOTPANTS the "Spearow" swarm catches up with Ash. With his last breaths Ash continues to beg Pikachu to be a good little mind slave and get back in his ball. But Pikachu suddenly forms a bond of love with his former capture and destroys all the flying pidgeons with a gigantic thunder blast. From then on it's a journey of love between slave and master to recruit more animals into his benevolent service, because as everyone knows..."Gotta catch'em all." |  |
**Because the bastards at Nintendo want to prevent reverse importing? I wouldn't say it's out of the question!