Patlabor TV #1 CPM 125 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles Released: 08/14/2001 Reviewed: 02/21/2006

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I make no secrets about harboring a serious and heartfelt love for the Patlabor movies. Without a doubt they should be avoided by some people, as well stocked with political intrigue and exposition as they are it's not exactly a fun ride for the whole family. It's more like enough to make most people bored to tears, but I was the kind of guy that was straight raised on incredibly loquacious detective characters. Though I can't be certain (at least, not without a tiny bit of effort) I'm sure I've said before that I was "weaned off the teat" by such things, things that the Patlabor movies hold in no short supply. So there's this TV show, and its about the same giant robot piloting police officers that I've been idolizing for the past seven or eight years of fandom. It's really long too, nearly 50 episodes. That's cutting it close, but still passable. Anything longer than that tends to be a marketing cashcow like Pokemon or Naruto and isn't really worth your while. The problem is that varying reports from the internet describe Patlabor as more of a comedic endeavor and such things rarely strike it big with a guy like me. For many years I've been avoiding watching this show. I got this DVD back in 2001 when it first came out and it's been sitting in one of those big binders of mine ever since.

 

The Patlabor squad is more than just a team of guys with snazzy orange vests. They're a crack core of robot pilots that don't take guff from nothin' or nobody. Be it robot smugglers, drunk drivers, or giant bests in the forest that look suspiciously like Mughi from the Dirty Pair, the mobile police don't mess around. They are a hardcore bunch that get things done, crack the case, and put the badguys in jail all before dinner. Or that's the theory, anyway. The whole hard-nosed "there's some serious stuff goin' down in here" is more for the movies. The television incarnation of the Patlabor squad are a bit more lackadaisical in their ways. They still have to stop the badguys, but they do it while singing fun songs and "appropriating" whatever police vehicles they need to get the job done. Goofy antics are not exactly what I was expecting from my robot comedy, though I'm thinking I was a little blind to try and fool myself. One day I'm gonna find a legitimate robot comedy that makes me vomit with laughter, but for now I guess off color stuff like this is gonna have to do.

 

Watching a man get his ears poked off isn't really comedy in the traditional sense and laughing at something like that is more that sad, awkward laugh when something's just outrageously uncomfortable. Patlabor TV is uncomfortable too, but that's more uncomfortable just because it's not so super-great. Those familiar with the movies will know the cast, but they act so different as to be almost indistinguishable. Patlabor TV generally just reminds me of a less cool Dominion Tank Police. You've got the excitable, fresh, spunky redheaded recruit on her first day, the nice-guy pilot that doesn't really fit in with the others, the overzealous weapons nut. It's not like you can say these were cribbed from Dominion Tank Police, I just feel like that show did it a lot better. Patlabor TV can't seem to decide whether or not it needs to take itself seriously. If it had just chosen one way to go I think there could've been something really special in this show, but now... it's just average on all fronts. Cool, functional robot designs don't make up for lackluster fight scenes and lackluster plots about escaped research animals that alternatively need to be killed/protected. Watching Patlabor I realized that my fears were well justified.

 

You have to learn to stand up to your fears lest they control you. This past Monday night, pre-24, I convinced Joel that it was in our best interest to hunker down and watch Patlabor. With fond memories of the movies in his head he readily agreed. He's not so much different than me in that respect. What was different is that Joel got bored about halfway through the first episode and started playing Guild Wars on my computer instead of watching the dang show! It's a little hard to do a podcast about anime when you co-host doesn't even deign the cartoon you're watching worth his time. Then again... maybe I should've taken his actions to heart. I'm not gonna say I hated Patlabor, and I don't think Joel did either, but after seeing those super-awesome movies it just didn't feel like I was playing the same game with this TV show. Better luck next time Patlabor, nobody can say you didn't try your hardest, but I'm gonna be saving all my love for your feature-length presentations.