Paranoia Agent #1: Enter Lil' Slugger Pioneer 100 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles Released: 10/26/2004 Reviewed: 01/18/2005

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There's something strangely wonderful about drinking, isn't there? New Years 2005, was about as raucous an occasion as I've ever been a part of. My ear hurts because I had a paper clip on it the whole night, my throat hurts because I was choking myself with my belt to amuse the crowd, and I have "I love men" curiously emblazoned on my right arm in green sharpee. I requested "I love Beth", but that's neither here nor there now. This is the selfsame Beth who, at the end of the night, opened the fridge door knowing full well I'd consumed nearly an entire case of beer and a magnum of champagne, and pointed at the last Yuengling with a beckoning "Daaaaaaaaaaaaave". Anyone who knows me also knows that I love only two things. Beer and short haired women. So, at the request of my (not so) secret crush and despite the pleading of my liver, down the last beer of the evening went. Though I love the beer, I feared the eventuality of vomit and hangovers might be lulling in the background. So, it's only the six ibuprofen I downed this morning that's allowing me any kind of cohesion, please forgive my errors and omissions. There's actually three things I love (if you don't count robots, which I love to hate). I love beer, short haired chicks, and crazy Japanese thrillers by that wonderful man, Satoshi Kon.

As per my usual, I went into Paranoia Agent knowing little more than its name and its progenitor, but Satoshi Kon has such an amazing track record with Perfect Blue, Millennium Actress, and Tokyo Godfathers that you basically just have to assume that his first TV series, which I thought was going to be a return to the suspense-drama roots of his breakout movie, is going to be just as rocking as that which has come before it. I was surprised, then, to find that Paranoia Agent shares very little actual resemblance to any kind of suspense you might be used to. There's been a recent rush of Japanese horror films like Ringu, Ju-on, and Dark Water into American theaters and DVD players. These movies all suck, every single one of them. For awhile I was firmly convinced that the Japanese didn't have a clue on how to make something scary. Here's a hint Japan: Whiting out the screen when a person dies, not scary. Little boys covered in talcum powder and meowing at intruders, not scary. It comes to my mind now that I'd been forgetting a very legitimate form of fear that came from those crazy islands out in the Pacific.

Paranoia Agent makes its purpose to lead you astray. It first focuses on a young toy designer, Tsukiko Sagi, who is attacked by a young boy wielding a golden baseball bat. The boy, named Lil' Slugger (or Shonen Bat, if you're a literal jerkoff) by the media, enjoys riding around on his gold inline skates and cracking people across the back of their head when they're not looking. On first viewing you might be convinced that the show is going to be Tsukiko's story. Such is not the case. Instead, a tidal wave of assaults start with many of the victims connected to one another. More curious, one of the detectives notes that Lil' Slugger's victims all seem relieved after their attacks. It's true that every victim is attacked during a slump or trying time. What is Lil' Slugger's intent? Is he even real? For awhile I followed the line of thought that he was an illusion, thinking that Lil' Slugger was part of this building collective unconscious. Want someone you hate out of your way? Just call out the "Lil' Slugger" inside of you and suddenly your problems disappear. I will not tell you that Paranoia Agent is scary, per se. In fact, Satoshi Kon manages to weave a curious sort of humor into his tale, like the ridiculous pop idol sequences of Perfect Blue. The odd, uncomfortable laugh at an obsessive anime fan or fat purse snatcher helps to distract us from the mounting feeling of dread that the show is building. The stories and their victims get gradually more intense, from the introverted and quiet Tsukiko to a grade school student obsessed with popularity to a dirty cop involved in a prostitution ring. There is no suggestion that future volumes curry a lighter tone.

I find it particularly amazing that this guy knows enough about the human psyche that he can make a TV show, a cartoon, about a twelve year old boy whose most intimidating feature is that he always smiles before he bring the hammer down on his chosen victim. This is the guy from the country who can't scare me with a ghost story. Listen: I'm TERRIFIED of ghosts. There are nights, when I'm a little buzzed, that I'm too scared to go into my room because I'm afraid a ghost hand is going to shoot out from underneath my bed and drag me into the underworld. It boggles the mind that this show is the one that inspires fear in me when there's half a dozen ghost movies that don't even make me keep the hall light on. Satoshi Kon isn't a man, he's a dark magician from the furthest reaches of space and he's harnessed all the powers of a plurality of suns to bring us something that won't scare the doo doo out of us, but will certainly give us something to mull over in that pop-psychology Silent Hill sort of way. Like that final beer last night, I approached this with a strong trepidation. I'd already been disappointed once this week by a show from people I'd previously loved. I queried whether or not Paranoia Agent would leave me with nothing but the bitter taste of bile in my mouth. I'm pleased to say that, unlike the score of beers I quaffed on the last night of 2004, Paranoia Agent has settled comfortably in my stomach and it's not going anywhere.