Noir #1:
Shades of Darkness
ADV
125 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
02/18/2003
|
|
Noir #1:
ADV
|
|
 |
Some things I just don't get. I know what you're thinking too, you're thinking that I'm not the brightest pea in the pod and nobody really cares if I have poor spatial recognition or if I can't do long division in my head. Well screw you then! They call it long division for a reason, you know, and I'm not gonna let some jerkoff like you rain on my parade. You think you're so smart with your high school diploma and clothes that fit right. Well at least I'm not the one who has to explain to my wife (or significant other) every night why I can't get the little general up. Who's a Harvard man now, hmm? But before I let myself digress any further, let me explain what prompted me to say that. I don't understand certain things about this show, Noir, in particular. Namely, what kind of people think that women can hold exciting gunfights in high heels. Now, I've never had the experience of wearing them myself... and I've honestly never met a lady who I can say for sure killed people for money, but I have spend enough time with the fairer sex to know that there's only so much you can do on a pair of what some women would gladly refer to as "man's torture device". Stomping on a man's testicles for a hundred dollars an hour is one of them, exciting gun battles are not. |
|
So, try as I might, I couldn't help but question everything else the show threw at me. Yes, okay, it's a pretty realistic anime. But look at what you're comparing it too. Fine, there's no giant robots causing havoc in Neo-Shin-Tokyo-III and no, there's no little girls who believe they can save the world with the power given to them by a cat who claims to be from a palace up in the moon. But good Christ people, that doesn't mean we're watching A&E Biography here! I refuse to accept the terms of any show that portrays a female killer going on jobs in a miniskirt and high heels. That's just stupid. The woman might have a crack shot, but she better stop taking her fashion advice from the whores on 9th street. If you can make it past that, Noir's actually pretty okay. The gun battles are short, but well scripted and there's only a few situations where you'll find yourself scratching your head and wondering what the hell the people were thinking when they put that in. Keep in mind this is only if you completely ignore the whole "footwear aspect" as I'll call it. Otherwise, it's noting more major than a guard who (for some unholy reason) had his back to the stairs and was staring at a blank wall, or the night vision goggles the bad guys apparently bought at Modell's. When you need quality light amplifying equipment with straps that'll break at a moment's notice... gotta go to MO'S! |
 |
 |
In this scene Kirika actually says, "I'll fuckin', I'll fuckin' sew your asshole closed and just keep feeding you and feeding you and feeding you!" If you're going to take offense towards anyone for that little comment please bring it up with Method Man and not myself. Or whomever decided that an innocent Japanese schoolgirl/assassin (aren't they all!) would be able to get her hands on a Wu Tang Clan apron. While I doubt such things exist, my interest is more piqued that an animator/the director would include something like this. Long time readers of the site understand how interested I am in the use of the medium to convey things. There's stuff you can't do in film that you can do with animation. Apparently some people haven't figured out that just because you CAN do it doesn't mean you SHOULD do it. And on the music slant, Noir's is done by Yuki Kajiura, known for her work on the excellent haunting melodies of .hack//Sign and the almost seizure inducing German impressionist-esque techno beats of Boogiepop Phantom... two shows which I hold very near and dear to my heart. Something is going on in this woman's mind and I'd honestly like to know what it is, because while I'm sitting in Bear's car air guitaring to Andrew W.K. she's out there kicking ass and making the kind of music I could only dream about doing. Yuki Kajiura, if you read this, please contact with me. I'd really like to pick your head apart... |
|
...and eat it. But first we'd have a nice discussion about music and it's place in the animated medium. Noir has a very solid soundtrack, and while I can't help but say that the ending seem feels a bit out of place, it's no more so than the FREAKING HIGH HEELS I keep mentioning. I tell you, yesterday I would've never believed I'd see a young girl in a sun dress moving down a bunch of Peruvian militia men with an assault rifle, but now I know the truth, some of this stuff is just too plain weird for my blood. Did I mention the girl has amnesia too? Just when you thought you were out of the clichés' reach they just come right back and bite you in the ass! To it's credit, Noir is a lot less sexually degrading as it could've been. Which is not to say that a woman killing people in a miniskirt isn't degrading, it's just not as degrading as it might've been. The girls finally get sort of modest in episode 3, however, such is not to last and they're showing more leg than a giraffe in heat within the next twenty five minutes. I gave Noir a three because I dig on detective murder mystery things probably a lot more than I should, but it's the most tenuous three I've ever given in my life and crap, at some times I felt like removing this show from the player and smashing it over my knee and it's JERRY'S DVD! . I swear to god if I see one more high heel it's getting busted down faster than a foot fetishist can say his safety word. |
 |