Ninja Scroll #1: The Dragon Stone Urban Vision 90 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 09/02/2003

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I find myself in a bit of a quandary starting this review. I've spent the past two days drinking myself into a babbling stupor and somewhere in-between them I managed to watch this recently released disc. So if my memory isn't entirely accurate on some points, or if my writing is a bit more blurry than normal, please understand. It's not my lack of desire to entertain you that's doing it, it's the fifteen or sixteen drinks last night that's holding me back. Fortunately I had watched Ninja Scroll the night before I did all that and I would imagine that the five to seven beers I consumed before watching it only invigorated me, allowing me to see things I normally wouldn't see, to make witty observations I normally wouldn't make, and to fall asleep in the last five minutes even though it wasn't a boring show and I wasn't watching it subtitled. Yes, from now on I do believe I'll be having a nightcap (or six) before watching anything anime related.

So anyway, I'm a bit mystified by this show. When I heard there was a TV series of one my most beloved (and one of the most reviled) animated movies of all time I was obviously very excited. Ninja Scroll was the ultimate in a no brains, good time kind of movie (though I could've certainly done with a little less of the sex and rape , but that's usually pretty true) and how could a TV series based on it ever disappoint me? Yoshiaki Kawajiri, don't fail me now. And I won't say that he really failed me, or that Ninja Scroll TV is really a bad show or a disappointment, but certainly I think I was expecting a little more. I think if it had no connection to the movie, and was just a standard show about ninjas slaying demons and mannish looking nude chicks (thanks Jerry!) with Quatto from Total Recall growing out of them, I would've like it a whole hell of a lot more than I did, but the fact is that it's got ten years of hype to live up to, and that's something that'd be tough for any show. You can't expect perfection from even something that contains exploding ninjas.

So realize that I really do like this show, but now I'm going to go about detailing everything I didn't like about it. First off, they didn't keep the same dub actors for Jubei and his constant menace, the elderly monk Dakuan. While this really isn't to be expected, considering how long ago the movie was released and by a different company no less, it still would've been really nice. Visions of "Burn in your golden hell, Gemma!" dance fancifully in my head, and there's really nothing that this show does to lessen them. Plus, I really don't like the voice of Dakuan. Is it just me, or does he not sound like a human being at all? More like a really old robot pretending to be human... Another thing I've got against the show is that, it just doesn't feel as smart as the movie did. Whereas in the movie Jubei kind of had to rely on wit to defeat his enemies, here he's made into the super omnipotent warrior who can destroy anyone in one blow, given the chance (and the few requisite minor wounds per episode). Don't get me wrong, it's really cool for him to just show up and blast a wave of compressed air at some demon freak, splitting him in half before he's even finished uttering his first taunt, but who can forget the masterful slaying of the blind demon of Kimon? Beautiful. In the TV show, sometimes enemies are barely introduced before they keel over. More than once an enemy is dead before he opens his mouth.

So yeah, Jubei picked up that whole "compressed air" thing somewhere along the way, but fair enough it has been fourteen years since the events of the movie took place. Strangely enough, Jubei doesn't look like he's pushing forty now and Dakuan's not dead, but I suppose stranger things have happened. The clan of Kimon is still around, and still looking to ruin everyone's good time by attacking a young girl with a bunch of Trigun rejects (giant armor guy and disco light eye, we've got 'em all) and a larger chested Millia Rage from Guilty Gear X. Why are they after this girl? Because she has this fabled Dragon Stone which doesn't really seem to have any relevance to anything except that it's... there and... everyone wants it. Everyone but Jubei, of course, he's playing the reluctant hero role. It's a bit better done than in some shows as Jubei obviously does want to save people and kill some demons in the process, but it's still a little annoying to see the same thing that's been done countless other times. By the end of these four episodes Jubei has pretty much joined up with everyone else and they're all fighting off demons together (sans the 'power of love', thankfully). You know what would be awesome? A show where the hero and the heroine never meet, and the item they have to protect kind of just bobbles between them. I'd pay good money for a show like that. Ah well, at least Ninja Scroll TV shows us the same thing that its predecessor did. Demon rapists get it in the end.