New Getter Robo #1: Rude Awakenings Pioneer 100 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles Released: 03/01/2005 Reviewed: 03/08/2005

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This is what I'm talking about. The rare instance of me downloading what the anime community's lingua franca would call a "fansub" should be intimately shocking to your senses. I don't do it, not because I have some definitive argument against it (though I do think most people that decide they deserve anime for free are tools who never buy anything). I mostly just don't download fansubs because I'm lazy and often don't care enough to watch stuff that I paid for. This was not so with New Getter Robo, which went by the Japanese title of Shin Getter Robo when the nice n' tasty Studio ADTRW subbed it. These fellas seem alright, because when Shin Getter Robo got licensed after the fourth episode of its run they were quick to stop production. That's the kind of dedication I like to see! Even if it did mean that I had to wait nearly a year to see my beloved show again, it was worth the wait. There has been a severe lack of traditional OVAs as of late. Where the hell is the bloodshed, the sacrifice, the giant robots and the complete lack of any sort of female character? What age are we living in and why isn't it 1980? Where are the men? Not namby pamby androgynus wussies, but men. Don't you fear, loyal viewer, New Getter Robo seeks to fix all that in one fell swoop!

New Getter Robo will, right off the bat, strike you as manly. As I described it to Andrew, this show is so manly that "after watching it your dick will grow six inches". This brought about an uproarious laughter in the room, but it's truer than you think. Any women in the room, I'm sorry, but it'll be worth it in the end. New Getter Robo is not a show that wants to waste your time with whiny fourteen year olds who don't want to get into giant robots and kick alien ass. What kind of fourteen year old doesn't want to get into a giant robot and kick alien ass? I want to do it NOW and I'm nearly 23! Right after the manly opening, complete with booming, traditional (manly) Japanese percussion, we'll be introduced to the manly character of Ryoma who will manly take out a group of yakuza without breaking a sweat. After a manly break sexually harassing some waitresses he stops by his manly dojo only to be attacked by another manly crew of yakuza. Ryoma is manly enough to fight with a knife that he just manly removed from his manly shoulder after it was thrown at him by a manly assassin. He's tranquilized and wakes up in a padded room where he manly kicks down the STEEL DOOR and runs into a cadre of alien invaders which he manly fights off with the aid of a fire ax while he's backed up by a manly scientist with a rather manly shotgun. The manly explosions of blood and gore are nearly as manly as those in the ULTRA MANLY Fist of the Northstar.

I would hope that you know the general gist of the Getter Robo storylines, but basically Ryoma has been recruited by Dr. Saotome because he's one of the only people in the world "manly" enough to handle piloting the supremely manly Getter Robo. Getter Robo, like all Go Nagai robots, requires not one iota of training. Instead, a pilot's true ability in the cockpit is determined only by the strength of his heart and his ability to yell at the top of his lungs, preferably in nonsensical English/Japanese special attacks like "Getta Beaaaaaaaaaaam!!" Ryoma will shortly be joined by Hayato, who in this incarnation is ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT NUTS, and Benkei Musashibo who is like some sort of cruel fusion of all the fat pilots of Getter Robo that have come before him. Suffice it to say this is not the dream team of robot pilots, but I'm willing to bet they're going to somehow bond together and resolve their differences in the coming episodes and save the world from the ultimate terror that's trying to embrace it. I know it sounds crazy! But I think I just might be right.

When I went to Suncoast to buy this DVDs at a grossly overpriced $30 (consider it my penance for watching the fansub?) I also bought the second disc of Paranoia Agent. That was a sort of odd combination, as the clerk was sure to note (before he gleefully tried to sell me a discount card and make his commission). I explained to this man, who was surprisingly normal for an anime fan at the mall, that I only like cartoons that are incredibly deep or incredibly pointless (as long as it's not exploitative) and nothing in between. With New Getter Robo and Paranoia Agent my cup runneth over. There's nothing wrong with an anime that has no deep insights or any plot beyond "Get them!" to speak of. As long as it doesn't showcase breasts bouncing around in a way that makes me feel absolutely dirty then I'm fine with it and the breast:giant freaking monster ratio in this show is so low as to be almost astronomical. The only chick in the entire program is too busy looking perturbed and off-center to do any talking. How manly is that? When Ryoma, in Getter One, jumps up into the air and throws his arms back while screeching "GETTA TOMAHAWK!!"I get so pumped up I just want to knock Andrew down and start kicking him. When people tell you that videogames don't inspire violence, they're right, because it's all contained to shows like this. Shows that are so manly they just make me want to commit violence on my fellow homosapiens. Is there anything wrong with that? No way in hell there is, not where Getter Robo is concerned.