Nazca #1: Blades Of Fate Pioneer 75 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 01/11/2000

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Daimon : A dogface like you could never score with her

 

"Nazca are one of the most well-known mysteries of the Incas-- enormous, sprawling drawings in the soil of people, llamas, even mythical beings. There were also Nazca that were just straight lines that went on for miles and miles. UFO freaks will tell you that Nazca are strong evidence that the Incas interacted with aliens, but any good archaeologist will tell you that Nazca are just representations of the Incas religions beliefs. Then, he'll ask you to throw him the whip, and he'll throw you the idol." How the hell can I follow THAT little snippet from Mike Schwartzklieff of Animejump with anything remotely as humorous? I mean, seriously! Sometimes when you're reading stuff on the internet you just stop and say "Dammit! Why didn't I think of that first?" Then you get all huffy and punch on your computer's monitor... almost electrifying yourself in the process. Well, maybe YOU didn't do that but I get really tender when it comes to fetish porn and if I'm not the first person to think up the next eroticism then I start questioning if I'm even in the right business. The same thing goes for anime reviews, how the hell did -I- not think of that? Why does a simple quote from Indiana Jones make me grin for a good minute or two. It's weird really but I'm starting to consider Mike my archi-rival... of HUMOR! Of course, he's sitting up there all pretty with his more than ten hits a day and his big "Forum" But his day will come! I'll show him! Then I'll show you...

I hate CG, I mean... I more than hate it... I loathe it. Picture the thing you hate most in the world. I'm assuming everyone's thinking of Smurfs riding puppy dogs, now imagine there was a whole army of Smurfs riding puppy dogs and they're all signing their little Smurf song while Gargamel is nowhere in sight to eat them or have sex with Smurfette or whatever he does. That's not even close to the amount of rage older CG makes me feel. My blood actually boils at the sight of superimposition now. While the rest of the GOOD animation looks pretty sweet there are some seriously weird character designs... like the main character's rival. The purple haired, paper skinned schoolboy Shinri Shiogami. However, the Kendo instructor's fiancé, voiced by Megumi Hayashibara, is pretty damn fine. Don't let my obsession with short haired women mislead you though, your mileage may vary. Kyouji is late for the Kendo match again. He's going to watch his instructor Tate compete for the spot to represent Tokyo in the nationals. When he gets there he's given the task of escorting Tate's aforementioned hot-ass fiancé Yuka, and take even makes it to the final round so everything's going good. Then the strangest thing happens, Kyouji has a vision of Tate in tribal wear instead of the normal Kendo armor, when he snaps out of it a medical is called for. With only his wooden sword Tate has cut through the breastplate of his opponent and broken four of his ribs, crazy no? No, it gets crazier.

 

Tate is the reincarnated Inca warrior Yawaru, not only that but he informs Kyouji that the boy is his rival, the reincarnated Inca warrior Bilka. He then almost kills his star pupil in a sword fight with real swords. Afterwards he disappears. Soon, Yuka and Kyouji follow him to Peru where, in a strange ancient city of Machu-Pichu, loud chanting music is played while a giant golden sacrificial dagger comes out of the clouds and extends a ramp like in Star Trek or something to usher them up inside. Back in the REAL WORLD, if you want to call it that, it seems like all the people in Tokyo and their pets are realizing they're the reincarnated Inca warriors of the past too. Kyouji's rival, his best friend, his rival's girlfriend... they all seem to be in on it! Let me tell you, I'm all for off the hook stuff but this is right about at twelve foot depth and I'm still comfortable in the wading pool. While the music is kickass and non-CG looks pretty good I can't, in good faith, give a decisive verdict on this. I'm not even sure if I liked it or not. The end of the third episode reminded me of something that'd happen in Key and I like THAT Show. But for Christ's sake people do you realize it has INCAS!? Like, NATIVE AMERICANS?? No matter how good the Japanese are they've gotta have some big balls to base an anime off the reincarnated people of a tribe from Southern American that may or may not have eaten their own babies. I can't tell you anything about Nazca that would make sense other than that there's three episodes on this disc and there's twelve in the series.