Amazing Nurse Nanako #2: Firecrackers Pioneer 60 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 10/31/2000

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Alright. I'm slow. Really fucking slow. This is the first review in weeks and the first time I've sworn in one in god knows how long. I've got my reasons by they're kinda flimsy and transparent. Apparently going to bed at five and waking up at three in the afternoon isn't a very good excuse considering I'm not doing anything at all for a good six hours of that time. So I says to myself, I says, not only do I have to make a new review but I have to make it funny to attract a new user base and all of that. Oh yeah and SKABS HAS TO INK THE FAN-SERVICE GIRL. That'd help too. No no no. Don't tell me he's already done it. I know. But coloring her would be really nice too. This segues nicely into my next point.** Now, without a doubt you've all been staring at that lusty picture of girl on girl love right next to all this bland and boring text. Look, I'm as big a fan of some chick on chick as the next guy, but I gotta admit the lesbian lovin's a bit less hot when it's a girl with breasts like emergency cones going after another, unwilling, girl who also has breasts like emergency cones. Oh yeah, and they're animated. Not exactly my definition of some hot shit. But hey, maybe that's just me. I don't know. That's basically the theme of the show. Nanako has stuff done to her against her will. Often it's really freaky bondage kinda stuff. If that's your thing by all means pick it up. Then throw yourself down a deep, deep hole.

But this is the disc where we get introduced to the fun character of Mr. Hyde. The dub proceeds to refer to him as "Mister Hydo" as someone took the Japanese pronunciation a bit too literally AGAIN. There's some other characters that appear as if from the fucking heavenly ether, however, they don't get names though they apparently live in Doctor Ogami's house, and may have for some time. Let me say that again. In this show your name's only important if you're attached to a rather large pair of jubblies. Therefore the guy character (Mr. Fancypants, we'll call him) doesn't get a name. It doesn't really matter anyway because he only gets one speaking line anyway. I guess this is supposed to show that there's one character in the show that at least kinda-sorta likes Nanako. One easily squelched character. Hyde is not that character. He's a crazy guy that the army cooked up to go kill people. Or something like that, I was reading the manual to Shadowman 2 while I was watching this so I wasn't really paying attention. Anyway I think they got their Stevenson a bit mixed up 'cause Hyde is the evil side of the good guy. Shouldn't the patient be named mister Jekyll? But literary mistakes aside, it still sucks. After a cool intro of some dead people and stuff, the show manages to crap things up again. How bad you ask? Just don't.

Suffice it to say that poor Nanako gets her purity challenged many, many times as they try to capture the random-Japanese-man-turned-evil-monster. When I think of capturing monsters I think of either a really big net, or an even bigger monster. The concept has worked wonders for the Godzilla series after all. I'm pretty sure poking needles into a girl wearing nothing but lace panties is the furthest thing from my mind. Well, maybe not the FURTHEST... I think that'd have to be reserved for schitzler videos. All I have to say is I spend a lot more time thinking about, say, Amdy's mom than I do jabbing any needles into girls with their tits showing. Except, of course, for my MAN needle. Come on, you knew that was coming. The next episode is even BETTER as Nanako gets to be the test pilot for Ogami's super advanced powersuit mark II. I'm gonna spoil it for you and say that it's against her will. I'm sorry, I know... I should've warned you. Not only that, but there seems to be a few design flaws in the thing. One of the biggest being that when the power cell drains the suit just falls off and leaves the user completely naked. I guess that flaw's not so bad if you live in a nation that had women in combat roles. Dear god, I'm loathe to think of what would happen on our shores.

Rasputin Yano seems to have laid off the vodka long enough this time to figure out that there's one key fan-service market he's not capitalizing on. That's the one of giant robot fans. If there's one thing guys like more than naked boobies it's a robot transforming into a different type of robot. As if that weren't enough he's combined the two (sorta). Deep in Ogami's past is hidden the secret of the time when he turned a girl into a robot. Guess what? It was against her will. I don't even think I should be writing this anymore. Reviews always make me want to start smoking again. I know, I know, I quit. And since quitting's for pussies, apparently I'm a pussy. But it's all good because I've got one of those lemonhead lollipops to act as a replacement, or whatever. It's not exactly the same... no, but it's not as phallic as other things I could have in my mouth. Ahem. Not that I WOULD, but, you know. Sometimes I have to wonder if the director has ever seen a real breast the way Nanako and Satsuki are drawn. Maybe some questions are just better left unasked.

**In case you didn't get what I meant by segues well, since the fan-service girl is obviously a lesbian... you know.