Princess Mononoke Miramax 150 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 12/19/2000

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Jigo : Are you selling soup, or donkey piss? Ashitaka just got a raw deal. Everything was happy in the life of this red elk riding member of a long banished Japanese tribe. Then evil came to his village. Evil in the shape of a gigantic boar under an awful curse causing him to go wild and attack the humans in his path, that is, until he is slain by the bravery of Ashitaka. The curse, manifested by strange gooey tentacles, dissipates and the dying boar swears that the people will feel the hatred he has felt. It is, however, too late for Ashitaka, his right arm has already been taken by the boar's curse. The elder woman of the town informs him that it will spread along his body and eventually it will consume him like it consumed the boar. She produces an iron ball and tells of how it was removed from the boar's corpse, that it came from the lands to the west, and that while he can't change his fate, he can confront it. With heavy hearts the town lets Ashitaka go, for some reason not even allowed to see him off. So Ashitaka travels west, into the very lands that have both banished and forgotten his people. He seeks a cure, even though he was told it was impossible.

 

Show me a person that doesn't like Miyazaki films and I'll show you Adolf Hitler junior. Though that might be a bad analogy the point I'm trying to make is, according the the anime community, Miyazaki is god and those who go against this most benevolent and wonderful master would rightfully be sentenced to death and dismemberment. I liked Princess Mononoke, I liked it a whole hell of a lot, so I'm safe. According to Joel, my samurai expert, it was much better in theaters but I was never blessed with the experience. See, I couldn't get anyone to go with me, then a few months later we're watching a tape of eXistenz when the preview for Mononoke comes on and the group goes wild. Then I killed all of them for being idiots and not going to see the theatrical release. Now I have new friends, like Joel. I like the new ones better, they bend to my will like Chinese bending bars, I'm the ninja lord and they're all yellow canaries. Wah-ta-tah!

 

Mononoke's dub is one of the first to include professional actors. While it's no Kiki's Delivery Service with Phil Hartman it's a pretty good job. Most sub fans will even admit that they like it. As a dub fan myself, I was very critical. I felt especially worried when I saw the credits on the back containing things like Claire Danes and Minnie Driver. When one of the leads of the new Mod Squad plays a major role you have to be a bit worried, did you SEE that movie? But no, everyone did their jobs pretty good and I was an especially big fan of Billy Bob Thornton as Jigo the monk. Then there's Gillian Anderson as Moro, the giant wolf. Gillian Anderson is one hot piece of redheaded action, as we all know. I would certainly "tap" that. Even though she had about six lines I felt compelled to love her. She's got red hair! What else do you need? The one thing I hate? The DVD gives almost no mention that this is a Japanese film at all. Japan? What's a Japan? If you look really hard with a text magnifying contraption I've managed to jerryrig then maybe, just maybe, you'll see Mizayaki's name in the credits hidden at the bottom of the insert sleeve. I hate you Disney. Release more Studio Ghibli stuff or I'll rip your freakin' throats out! Petition THIS!

 

Mononoke is a thoroughly pleasing film, despite all the fans screaming for it to be called Mononoke Hime. Now, I'm just as much of a hater of localization as the next guy, but stuff like this is just crazy. These are the same people that hate dubs because they're not accurate enough. When we get word for word scripts from CPM nobody likes those. So just let them rewriters have a bit of artistic license and pray they don't go too far. Still, those bastards at the mouse factory did a pretty good job with the disc, even though the fans had to clamor for what seems like forever to get a Japanese track and subtitles on the damn disc. You know what Miramax was planning? French. I hate those froggy bastards.