Magic Knight Rayearth
#4: Twilight
Mediablasters
100 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
05/30/2000
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Magic Knight Rayearth
Mediablasters
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As I mentioned in the last disc, this is Caldina. The same Caldina who mind controlled my friends (whom I subsequently TOTALLY OBLITERATED WITH FLAME ARROW) in the stupid Magic Knight Rayearth RPG I played so many years ago. The same scene happens on this very DVD, only Fuu decides not to kill her friends. This was her first mistake. Plus, she didn't have fucking FLAME ARROW so one would be circumspect to examine her judgment right off the bat. Anyway, the point I'm going for here is that Caldina is voiced very southern-ly in the dub by the enigmatic Zan, whose voice I do enjoy very much, though only in small doses. What this means, likely, is that Caldina spoke with the Osakan dialect (Or Osaka-Ben, if you prefer) in the original language. Now, if the dirty lying mass of atoms that is Jerry is to be believed, he shares a workplace with one Tetsuya, also from the mysterious Osaka (the side conversation on whether or not people 'Southern' Cephiro talk like Southerners, or Osakans if you prefer, definitely is a highlight of this show). Now, irascible young lad that I am, I've taken to screaming "OSAKA BEN!" whenever Jerry makes a reference to his Japanese compadre. This is much to the consternation of those around me, who I've accidentally led to believe that this is his name. |
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Therefore, as I was telling Andrew: The next Japanese person I meet will be christened"Osaka Ben" regardless of gender or their preference. This calls into mind the fact that I know basically nothing about Japan or the Japanese language, except a few things. 1) Shoujo is always better when you switch it over to the sub track. This is not because of any better acting or my snobby preference, but because on the Japanese they yell their special moves really loud and, well... anyone who knows me knows that's what I'm all about 2) Relating to point 1, they say crap like "Sakoi!" which only means "Come on" but sounds so much cooler. I mean, five hundred fighting games can't be wrong, right? Plus, there really is an all-star cast of Japanese women in this show. My preference tending towards Yuko Nagashima as Caldina, if only because she reminds of me Yumi Toma, whom you might know better as Ivy of Soul Calibur fame (I'd certainly like to get to know her better) and as Urd from Ah! My Goddess and the non-character of Lou in Bubblegum Crisis. Ms. Toma also has a minor part in this show, but let's not get into that because it brings up issues of homosexual pedophilia with me that I'm not really comfortable with discussing. This woman is literally the GODDESS of sultry, and Ms. Nagashima sounds kind of like Goddess of Sultry Jr. If you don't know what that means, you haven't been hanging around me long enough. |
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What really surprised me about this disc is that the crap the girls have to through. I don't believe that I've ever seen this massive a quantity blood emanate from a fourteen year old lady before (much less twice in as many episodes!) nor do I particularly care to ever again. You might wonder why it seems like all the screenshots I take of Hikaru have her growling or looking all menacing-like. That's because that's all there are!** Hikaru is positively insane when it comes to certain things, one of which I would imagine would be my general apathy towards woman in general. Judging by the odds of past experiences, she's a prime target for my style. This means only one thing to the discerning viewer that I am: I have a socio-instinctual imperative to find a suitably attractive girl dressed up as Hikaru and bone the brains out of her. Whether this is because of her red hair and impetuous nature or her sub-legal status I'll leave up to you to determine while I define the rest of my plan. You're wondering "How are you going to get a cosplaying girl despite your professed pan-Cosplay hatred's effective barring you from the circuit?" Well that's easy, due to the wonder that is LaFarga. Hypnotized and forced to fight against the Magic Knights, he basically looks the same as me anyway. So what I'll do is go half-assed and just put some face paint on. If anyone asks, it's a birthmark, but if HIKARU asks... well, I'd still probably say it's a birthmark (I have my scruples!) but then I'd try and get her to sleep with me! |
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Fair enough, this is all a sham as I'd really never consider cosplaying anything even with the promise of sexual gratification on the other side (I wouldn't do it publicly anyway) so let's forget about that for the time being. I really like LaFarga, if only because he's a manly looking character (despite ponytail and copious earrings) in a Shoujo anime, which almost seems like a rarity nowadays. Magic Knight Rayearth really shapes up as it gets to the finale. I can attribute this mostly to the less frequent use of Super Deformed characters and more frequent use of hugging, which certainly has nothing wrong with it per se, it just feels like any time that two girls are hugging in an anime people are trying to suggest something to me. Even the all girl Clamp is not beyond suspicion! As it progresses, Magic Knight Rayearth just starts to take on a more 'genuine' flow. Now, it's not something I'd suggest to anyone that is not a fourteen year old girl, but if they are... watch out! I'll leave you with this: There's an interview with Mokona's voice actress? Well, I don't normally look at most extras but damn! That just sounds like a waste and a half of film right there. I mean, seriously, how the hell is it going to go? I'm pretty sure they just hired a retarded mental ward patient so they wouldn't have to pay them. Interviewer : So, what was it like playing Mokona? |
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