Mezzo #1 ADV 125 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles Released:10/19/2004 Reviewed: 10/25/2005

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It's not really a secret that I dislike Kite. The show wasn't that great to begin with, as "school girls kill people" doesn't really resonate with me no matter how many times the anime industry suggests that it should be my cup of tea. Other things that I'm not a super-huge fan of pedophilia and rape. It's very possible I'm in the minority here (I'm not), but it's my opinion that being blind-sided by a guy giving the hot and hard one to a seven year old girl, no matter what kind of "artistic intent" is involved, is seriously messed up. As such, I can't really say I'm a big fan of Yasuomi Umetsu eitherr. The guy's an ex-hentai artists, probably spent his formative years plying his menial trade, selling his poorly crafted PC Dating Sims and scrawled hentai doujins of Ranma and Evangelion before he had the chance to really hit it big and get picked up by a seedy publishing house that would produce his half-rate rape fantasies. Eventually people in Japan's key pornographic market realized that there was a significant market for rape-fantasies.

And that is how Kite was born. Next would come Mezzo Forte, a "sequel" set in the same universe which I haven't seen - thank god - but have spoiled my eyes upon a picture or two of some spectacularly large penises. Presumably these were primed to be forcibly inserted into girls who were not constructed to accomodate such girth. I think it's only logical to assume that they also wore school girl outfits (and maybe had guns), because that seems to be what the vocal market for this kind of out and out crap really gets into. I am still thanking my lucky stars to this day that I knew enough about Mezzo Forte to know to ignore it. Aside from the mammoth male members I don't know word one about the history of that show. And, frankly, if I could bore the images of those equinesque genetailia from my memory I would without a moments hesitation. I own a power drill. My only worry is that I'll decimate my motor and vocal functions without sufficiently damaging the memory center of the brain. From that point on I'll be forced to think the rest of my life about what could've been, and how I could've stopped it. 24/7 paralyzation leaves much time to reflect on uncomfortable cartoon porn memories.

Next in the world of anime for Umetsu is Mezzo, which is a gutted version of the OVA with all the sex ripped out. Any alert reader would immediately recognize this as a good thing. Without gratuitous use of male sex organs, do you think Yasuomi Uematsu could pull off something worth watching? He did have a hand in my forgotten favorite Lily C.A.T., but then he also was mucking up Megazone 23: Part 2. These, of course, had very little to do with sex as he was animation staff, but I like to think that if he drew penises in those movies they'd be as blood engorged and veiny as the ones he puts to page today. But Mezzo has no penises, at least none are outright visible in the first two episodes. But even with that I just don't know what to make of this show. In Japan is it like the American movies where the actress is just working in porn until she can get her big break? Did Umetsu slave over cocks and dongs and dingleberries for years just so he could make a more mainstream-friendly Mezzo for the world to enjoy? Despite more than its fair share of lolicon bullcrap -- If the main character isn't fourteen, she LOOKS it -- and a bizarre instance of camel toe in the ending animation, the show cautiously skirts all pornographic intent... at least for as long as Joel, Jerry and I bothered to watch.

Mezzo is not, by definition, a stupid show. I don't care for teenage girls in bodysuits, this is true, but there is a good bit of cool action going on here. It's just so DUMB in light of the rest of the show that I have absolutely no idea how to respond to it. Ridiculous plots about vampires and aliens and Alzheimers medicine and crap refused to enthrall any of us. Stuff like that needs a certain touch of Go Nagai/Ken Ishikawa dose of insanity before it can really be palatable to me. Otherwise it's just a bunch of plots that don't make sense. Why is this girl super strong? Why are there ghosts? Why is this guy flying around and why did he get a fridge dropped on his head? If all these questions were answered, by that point I had already stopped paying attention. Though I suppose Mezzo garnered more interest from me than the sum of Kite and Mezzo Forte (x1000). I would say that Mezzo is a step in the right direction for Umetsu's career, but the guy hasn't hooked me yet. Avoidance of gangbangs is good... but it's only gonna get you so far.