Key The Metal Idol #2: Dreaming Pioneer 180 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 09/26/2000

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You might think I'm a freak, but exam week is probably my favorite week of the entire school year. Think about it, no more long classes. You're doing work for about two hours a day, and that's thirty minutes if you take tests at the lightning fast pace I do. Normal people would study, but I'll do no such thing on a regular basis. Looking at my notes are enough for me. So, basically, exam week boils down to a seven day stretch of decadence with no real purpose other than to be a stop gap until school is over. In the same way, Key's having a little "exam week" of her own. She's straight chillin' with Sakura and doing basically nothing at all, which turns out to be a problem. How is Key supposed to make 30,000 friends just sitting on her ass? That's basically Sakura's argument in the matter, and are you going to disrespect a woman in such a kickass suit? I know I certainly wouldn't. So, Key changes her outfit for once in the series and goes about trying to get a job, which isn't as easy as one would think.

Mostly because of this demented little dwarf here. I mean, if you ever needed a reason to dislike little people then you've got one in Prince Snake-Eyes. It's like it wasn't enough for him to get his eye shot/bored out in the last disc, the little bastard just keeps on coming. But like the Umpaloompas in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, he kind of grows on you. Of course, the Umpaloompas didn't really grow on you until they rolled that fat blueberry bitch down into the incinerator. How's that for poetic justice?** Key's attempts at her goals seem to be thwarted at every turn, be it by midget priest or crazy businessman. I'd imagine this would be disheartening for a young robot girl. Not very disheartening, because she's a freaking ROBOT. I mean, you'd think she'd be hurt more by missing an oil change, or feeling the fist of my almighty vengeance crushing her puny robot skull. One or the other really, they'd both suck.

I know, it came out of nowhere. It's just been awhile since I've really ragged on robots and I didn't want you guys to think I was getting soft or something. There's nothing particularly wrong with Key, I mean, it totally seems like she doesn't have the intelligence or attention span to think about hurting anything, let alone do it. The problem is that's what they WANT you to think. I mean, who's going to make a retarded killing machine? Would you? I wouldn't, but I'd make it look retarded so when the time came it'd shed its skin and wreak havoc upon the world as we know it. Only I wouldn't do that because I don't like robots and I don't really like the feeling that I'm getting from you either. However, what I would like to do is make the little robot girl watch while I gave her older, more formly friend, the sexing of a life time. And then when all was said and done and Sakura's lying there in a post orgasmic bliss I'd bust out my piece and put a few nines in Key.

The only problem is, I wouldn't do that either. 1) Because they're cartoon characters and 2) Because it's really hard to view anything in this show as a sexual object, and if the directors want to go that way with things then it's perfectly fine with me. Despite a few scenes of nudity in the beginning (rare at this point in the show, but there were still one or two) there's really nothing that you could call fan-service and I must admit I rather like that. Now people can pay attention to the story instead of saying "Ooooh, look how big Sakura's tits are." And if you think Miho's hot, shame on you... that picture on the right is about as emotional as she seems to get (without revealing any spoilers to you, which I probably am gonna do anyway). Miho's a robot (fuck), sort of. I hate for you to hear it here, but I was tired of being good and not revealing spoilers. Sometimes you just gotta do what you've gotta do. While I'm not saying I'd be against taking one to that plastic pussy of hers, I'd hope that we could stop by the local CompUSA and pick up a program that would give her some freaking EMOTION. I don't know, maybe it's the cultural gap or something, but apparently Japan likes their star singers to shuffle around like zombies and sing in near monotone. I just don't get it, then again... maybe I shouldn't.

**I don't think I know what poetic justice is.