Ex-Driver #1:
Downshift

Mediablasters

90 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
07/30/2002

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Get used to that screenshot, because you're going to end up seeing it at least once an episode. Hooray for repeated animation.

I'm not gonna lie to you people, I love cars. Cars are great, I think they're so great that I've driven many a time. Did I mention I still have yet to acquire my license? That might give a bit more of an impact to my statement. Anyway, the thing is... I really like cars but I know just about jack about them. I can recognize 'em, I know how to change a car's oil, stuff like that. But you asked me to weigh a BMV 6 Series and a Ford Windstar I'd probably hit you on the back of the head with a board and run like hell rather than give you a straight answer. Because that's the kind of guy I am, honest.

But I still like cars. When I hear about stuff like Initial D I almost crap myself. The idea of cars driving fast is something I find very, very fanciful. Especially if they're racing. 'cause sometimes cars just drive fast and that's not nearly as cool. It's a shame my ideas of Initial D were shattered when Skabla and Jerry informed me that it was a crappy show with an animation quality somewhere less than the Ghostbusters cartoons I drew when I was six years old... with crayons. And I'm sorry, but no amount of Eurobeat can save something like that. Fast cars or not, I'll be avoiding Initial D if at all possible. Sorry Tokyopop, but you suck anyway. Or so it'd seem.

 

About a year later I heard of ex-Driver and I was VERY excited. I mean, this seemed to have a show about everything. I imagined a sort of Gunsmith Cats with robot cars driving out of control and hopefully being blown up like all evil robot cars should be. I mean, if you added punk girls to this I would've quickly started running out of wearable underpants. We're talking real hard-core shit here. This was MY show. And since I don't watch fansubs anymore it was pretty hard waiting around. What made it even worse was I don't like to look things up on the internet either. So I basically sat around blind to this show except for the one paragraph I'd read about it. I'd like to point out that I'm no stranger to robot cars either. I think everyone should remember the "Johnny Cab" of Total Recall fame, if nothing else.

Well some things just don't work out like they should. Because instead of what could've been a completely awesome driving show with things like close ups on gear shifting and jackknife turns and other things I could explain if I knew the terms for them, we're "treated" to yet another completely stereotypical anime. The only difference is that this thing decided to throw in cars for some strange reason. There's like two car chases in the entire show! And they weren't even that good!

 

Let's go over our list of things these types of anime must contain. Girls still in high school. Check. Brash, overbearing underconfident tomboy. Check. A wiser and more shy girl who attracts all the men. Check. Grade school kid who thinks he can get all the play and bizarrely, he does. Check. Lots and lots of googly faces and ridiculously stupid actions. Check AND double check. I imagine in Japan they have some sort of director's resource where you can print out a list of dumbass ideas and the exact instructions on how to squeeze them into a show and force fuck your intelligent audience. Thanks a LOT Nihon.

I don't know who greenlighted turning what I imagined as "Bubblegum Crisis on wheels" into this but I know I'd like to hit them with the aforementioned 2x4 if at all possible. Leave it to directors to take a cool idea like robot cars and crap it up with stupid fanservice and more product placements than the Superbowl half-time. It seems like everything in this damn show has a logo on it. Swatch, New Balance, there's even a Razor scooter!

 
Anyway, the show is about two high school girls, Lisa (tomboy) and Lorna (cute one) who live in a world where it's now illegal to drive a car. They go around stopping these AI controlled cars when the things go out of control for one reason or another. I don't know what government in the world would decide schoolgirls are the perfect candidates to be the only people allowed to take up the semi-celebrity role of ex-Drivers. Am I the only person in the world who doesn't find this a bit of an unsure bet?

I came into the show with high expectations, though I was a little let down upon noticing how cutesy the girl's voices were. Then I was a little more let down when I switched to the Japanese track and found out that they were cutesy there too. "Okay." I said to myself "It's probably just one of those things. No big deal." I would've preferred cooler, throaty voiced women but it's all good. But no, they had to take one of my favorite ideas and crap it up royally. Add a bunch of situations that even -I- found too implausible and a guy that is so pedophilic it's not even funny and I've given up on the show. Way to go Japan, you ruined one of my favorite ideas forever.