El Hazard: The Alternative World #4: Dreams Of Tomorrow Pioneer 75 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 01/25/2000

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It's been a long time since I've seen one of those "end of the series" fanservice episodes. I really think I should've guessed what it was, especially for a show from AIC. Then again, I'm a big idiot aren't I? More on this in a bit. Things are reaching the breaking point for Creteria. The seal on the spring of life has been broken by the priestesses under the strict command of Gilda, you'll remember her as the well meaning but horribly evil person who will undoubtedly have a change of heart. You know what? She does too, it just takes the death of the love of her life to reveal all her atrocious crimes against the state and the lower ranked people of the land, Gilda wants nothing me than to take back everything she's done but is it too late?

As Makoto explains, the Spring Of Life is actually the Eye Of God from their world**. The Eye Of God is a weapon of immense power whose only function seems to be to destroy the person who uses it. Who MAKES that kind of weapon? The rebel forces are attacking, activate the Eye Of God... wait... no... don't do that! Oh god no! Aaaaarg. I mean, who the hell thought that would work? Does it at least blow up your enemies too, 'cause if you're gonna go down in a massive display of pyrotechnics the marauding hordes better get a quick beatdown of their own or something. At least bruise their pride! They have one way to stop it, it seems the device that reacts to Quawoor would break the circuit that activates the eye of god. MY circuit breakers look like little plastic switches, theirs are crystals encased in bands of silver. That's those crazy pseudo-Arabic worlds for you, why don't you invent some REAL technology El Hazardians? The only problem is, they've all been separated, Quawoor needs the help of Shayla-Shayla (the hot one) and Afura Man (the weird lookin' one) to complete the ritual, it's pretty doubtful she'll be able to do it herself. Shayla is being tied up (literally! well, no, not really) by the two lesbians from hell, Princess Fatora and Alielle. Let's take this time to go over two very important points. (1) Alielle scares the crap out of me, she looks like she's seven! Nobody like that should be such a damn nympho and it really speaks bad of Fatora's morals that Alielle is her love slave or whatever the hell the runt's capacity is to her. Because... you know... Fatora has... morals.

(2) Princess Rune, Afura Mann, Mizuhara and Mister Fujisawa. Why the hell were they even sent to the other world? They don't do ANYTHING, they were in one scene in the third disc and that was just to show the outside world breaking apart because all the REAL characters were in the castle. We all need more Fujisawa anyway, I might get ragged on because apparently -everyone- loves him** But we all know I was the original fanboy of all the older men in any anime series ever. I've got hard evidence: old guys are just plain cool. Why do you think I watch The Rockford Files so much? Onto the illustrious episode 13, A Night Of Captivation, Temptation, and Purification. The name should've clued me into its intent right there. The intrepid cast of characters are all on their way to some shrine in the middle of the desert. The priestesses are there because of their required purification rituals but everyone else kinda just forced themselves along for the ride. What do purification rituals involve? That's right valiant readers, getting naked! So how does one convince the novice priestess of water to enter a lusty three way with two members of the same sex? I believe Malcom said it best when he said "By any means necessary". That's where Fatora and Alielle come in, they're resolved to get themselves some princess poon before the night is up, regardless of whether it involves them wearing giant fur suits or crazy dominatrix getups. Back to the subject of Alielle, Alielle in skimpy black leather.

Shudder.

**I wouldn't know, I avoid anime fans like that plague.