El Hazard: The Alternative World #2: The Spring Of Life Pioneer 75 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 09/28/1999

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(I like to call that guy on the left "Toshiro", Japanese Superman) You guys notice how I didn't talk about the show at all last time? Yeah... I thought that was pretty good myself. See, I figured I'd get all this clamor up about what exactly this "Alternative World" was and now you're reading the second review of this series because you're just dying to find out. Well, certainly I'll tell you, just hold your horses a little. It's a long tale that has a lot to do with this guy. Actually, it's a really short story, but it does have something to do with that ugly gooey thing I just showed to you. Through the devious machinations of the evil, bug ruling Jinnai, the orb that stores Mr. Blob "I saw I'm the ruler of the universe but I'm really just ink somebody spilled too close to some toxic waste" McBlobby is activated and said blob sends Jinnai and everyone else to this crazy world with floating islands and snowswept plains and a total lack of geographical cohesiveness.

To make matters even worse, they've all somehow all gotten separated. Jinnai, Shayla-Shayla, and his bug-man companion Katsuo (Inexplicably called "Groucho" in the dub) are shoved in some snowy corner of the earth to be devoured by the more normal type of bugs at some unspecified time in the near future. Recently married Miz and Fujisawa fall off a cliff, get saved, and then run into our favorite superman"Toshiro" and the very stereotypical blushing, naive Princess Rune, who have fallen in love in about the span of six hours. Fatora and her lech-in-training Alielle manage to find themselves at the castle, where Fatora makes it her personal mission to totally molest the captain of the guard, Gilda. Normally I would think this was awesome but, guys, it's a cartoon. Who cares? On that note. The idea that Fatora and Allielle could potentially be doing the bump behind closed doors is just plain nasty. But it's not as nasty as this whole "mistaken identity" thing is annoying. I didn't like it when everyone though that Fatora looked exactly like Makoto, and you can be damn sure I don't like it now that they've introduced Alielle's equally young and lecherous cousin/brother Parnasse. Hey, remember when impromptu grope sessions were funny?

No? Well then good. You're allowed to keep reading. You know, aside from stupid lechery this show's main problem is that it's boring as hell. It's not bad enough to be considered unwatchable, but sometimes it's just so mind-numbing I'm not really even sure why I bother. You'd think they'd have better results with me considering the show contains no less than TWO redheads (one of the short haired variety) but no. Not even the dulcet tones of Melissa Williamson could keep me entertained. Though I was intrigued to hear David Lucas in a very non-David Lucas sounding role. I actually had to question whether or not is was him for a moment. The role requires more liveliness than is usually with the characters he plays. It's just a shame that Dall Narciss is the same emperor/prince we've seen in every other show. I'll give you three guesses, but I'll bet you get it in one.

If you said "lecherous self-centered buffoons" then you win the prize. I've said the word "lech" or its variations about three times so far. That might seem excessive to you, but I really don't think it is. While the perversion is not nearly as strong as you might see in other, more recent shows, it's still there and it's still too much for my tastes. Girl-on-girl action is nothing to be scoffed at, true, but there is a such a thing as too much of something good. Plus, like I said, it's a cartoon. That puts a damper on things. Disc 2 involves all the characters puttering around in their own little groups and being boring. Some of them get together until there's really only two or three groups, but it's STILL BORING. We all learn a valuable lesson about how excessive taxation can hurt poor farmers, even if they ARE Japanese Supermen. But do you want to know what's even worse than oppressing indentured workers? Stupid ending credits that look like they're comprised entirely of fan-art contest entries! I fucking hate that crap! What is this? Outlaw Star?