Lupin III:
Dragon of Doom

90 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
Released: 02/11/2003
Reviewed: 04/12/2005

Doing consistent updates is a finicky thing when you don't have friends around to watch anime with you. I don't know, even with some of the most interesting shows I'm usually quick on the trigger to browse GameFAQs for tidbits about 8 year old strategy games. I need, literally need someone to keep me in line when I'm watching anything on TV or I just stumble off into neverland. What's worse is that watching something with the Japanese audio on is like instant kryptonite to me and I'll just pass right out. As per my usual, I spent my time flipping back and forth between the dub and sub. Even a slam dance concoction of the auspicious grandson of the fabled Arsene Lupin and a rather compelling (if a bit Rube Goldberg-ian) read about the damage formulas of Truth and Untruth magic in Final Fantasy Tactics** couldn't keep me awake at 9 o'clock this morning.

Also I'd gotten about fifteen minutes of sleep in the whole night, so that didn't really help the predicament.

So I fell asleep. I missed various phone calls, about six messages from my parents (who don't get that you can leave ONE message and accomplish the same effect), one from the insurance adjustor about the car accident I'd been involved in recently (bummer) and one about a possible job offer (hooray!). Thus, fully refreshed, with eight hours of sleep under my belt and a song in my heart about possible fiscal solidity in the near future I hitched up my bootstraps and prepared to take in the wonder that is Lupin the Third. The rather portly man you see to your right is Chin Chin Chu (no, seriously, his real name) and he's got this crazy plan. He's going to resurrect a long forgotten method for forging a sword out of a super strong alloy (ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET!!!) and he's going to build an aeroplane instead and set out to take over the world.

That's why I like Lupin, because it thinks big. Most other shows would've went with the "sword" idea, but the creators of Lupin say to the audience "No, that's stupid, nobody's going to take over the world with a sword. In case you didn't notice it's not the freaking Middle Ages anymore. Even if it was, there were guys with arrows and stuff back then. Our guy is gonna build a jet fighter and hang around with his sexy ninja bitches."

Well, frankly, the idea had me at 'hello'.

Lupin is not a difficult concept to sell to me. There's a team of normal people with a bunch of gadgets who get together like a cartoon James Bond supersquad and eliminate all the villains while in their constant search of treasure they never get. What's wrong with that? NOTHING. Stirred into the blend is Lupin's normal lascivious behavior, which his companions seem to despise just as much as I can't stand those creepy Yaoi fans. Now quite clearly Lupin is a step above those acne ridden fangirls, they don't have deep sea diving equipment and grappling hooks! If they did, I might be a little more inclined to listen to the vomitus that spews out of their mouth about how Kuroko really loves Naruma and it's something that transcends gender, not just an excuse to get your sticky-icky on to some man-on-man ass reaming.

In no way should I bet writing about such things, though, when there's so much left to discuss! The dub is generally functional, though I'll always prefer Pioneer's cast to Funimation's. This is no comment on their quality, it's just an example of first-come first-serve. I got used to the Lupin that was a nasally little rat and the dulcet tones of the unflagging, unwavering Richard Epcar as Jigen. The English version also falters at a few minor points. Chin-Chin and Lupin have a nice little back and forth in the Japanese about the desire for thrilling foods and how such things can be bad for your health. It's a total James Bond thing, they're alluding to the risks of treasure hunting and such, and it just serves the moment so well! I have no strong complaints against the dub, just those two ones which are so far into the realm of nit-picking that I've redefined what the 'nit' is.

In the end a singular phenomenon makes Dragon of Doom stand heads upon heads taller than any of the Lupin movies that would come before or after it. At any point in this movie you can just shout "OH SHIT NINJAS!!" and more likely and not they will indeed be ninjas flying around the screen, doing what ninjas do best, which is throw ninja stars and be awesome. I know my recommendation was thrilling before, but I'm sure at the first mention of ninjas everyone ran out of their house with the intent of buying somewhere between twelve and fifteen copies of Dragon of Doom. As such, I'm not talking to anyone anymore. So... goodnight?