Dominion Tank Police

CPM

130 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
5/18/1999

You know what really pisses me off? When people turn quotes around to suit themselves. For example "In the land of the blind, the woman with one eye is queen." What purpose does this serve? I mean, what kind of basic need do you have to change something like that for no real reason at all? I blame the total awareness of political correctness that this country is in the midst of. Sometimes things are just appropriate, what if I was half Mexican half Cherokee. Would it be "In the land of the blind, the mulatto with one eye esta rey"? No, of course it wouldn't. I'm an Irish bastard. In the land of the drunken Micks the man with .15 blood alcohol is king! Forget that crap! Some things just need to be kept the same, they're good.
But not according to Streamline Productions. I have no idea why people like me and Jerry love them so much, I think it was mostly because without them our collective anime pool would've been a lot less right about now. I mean, if we didn't have Asteroids way back in the day then we wouldn't have Metal Gear Solid 2: The sixteen hour documentary. So god bless you people that sat through those bastardizations so we could have what we have today. Much like the one eyed chick, Streamline showed that it was not above editing content to their heart's content and some people hate Macek for it. But hey, I guess I'm not as against changing things as I might be... certainly not when classic old school anime is on the line. Dominion Tank Police is one of the first things from the shores of Japan that I had ever seen.

So whatever I say, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Much like my love for Bubblegum Crisis there are some things I probably shouldn't like as much as I do, but I do regardless. At it's surface this show has a lot of things that I love to hate. Excessive fan-service, excessive swearing (thanks Streamline dub!) and, let's not forget, Erecta Cacicci, the ultimate deterrent.** But it manages to do it in a way that's so benign I just can't help but love it. Plus it has a short haired redheaded chick who wears a tie (the dreaded triple entente!) and if there's something wrong with that then you better just ship me off to that Gulag because I must be living in SOVIET RUSSIA. By the way, for some reason I think Leona's a really awesome name. Though I'm not even sure if it's real. If it IS, well... I want to meet a girl named Leona very much, or at least one that will let me call her that in bed. Either or.
But hot animated ladies is not all Dominion Tank Police has to offer. At its heart it's something very special, especially considering the time. If I had to choose one thing to call a favorite it'd have to be the fact that in a show that's so ultra-violent as this is, there's absolutely no blood and gore. Those who have read my Metropolis review know how much of a fan I am of this, and that means Dominion Tank Police scores a whole hell of a lot of points in my book. Let's not even bother to mention the stuff like excellent choreography and character design, which is what I say about pretty much every anime I like anyway. You're probably getting tired of it.

Conversely, if I had to pick out one thing I didn't like about this show it'd be the crappy chapter stops on the DVD. Because I guess that just comes with the territory, it's one of the earlier ones they made so I'll cut them some slack. Normally this is when I'd take a time out to bad mouth CPM. But we all know that after the events of last year I don't have the heart to do it anymore. While I still hate their inserts that require see through keepcases when they know damn well that you get solid black cases ninety percent of the time anyway. Blame it on their cheap tactic of having excellent PR and my high propensity towards suggestion, but it worked on me and it'd work on you in a second! Don't try and act like it wouldn't!
To get even less typical, I want to mention that I really like the characters of Uni and Anna Puma. Played very well by Alison Dowling. I'd wager a guess that because this is a bit older it doesn't feel as clichéd but I think the more likely point is that they're pretty capable villains, more than most of the characters in the show, plus they wear outrageous outfits. We need more characters that aren't bimbos. I have nothing against strippers, and I never wanted to give that impression, I'm sorry if I have in the past. No, what I need is a stripper that moonlights as a rocket scientist. You know, like those girls who only work at the nudie bar to pay their way through college only to a much higher degree. I'd like, no I demand that the next show has a stripper with the mind of a Mensa member who's only doing it to fund her program for rocket ships or, you know, robots. Preferably the giant fighting kind of robot, because then she'd have the brains, the body, and the wanton desire to destroy/save all humanity. It doesn't really matter which, just as long as there's robots involved.

(Cyber Ninjas! If only they had guitars, then they'd be complete)

Despite the catgirl angle, I'm down with the Puma Twins and their crazy boss Buaku (or Waku as I always called him, because the people over at Streamline probably could've used a few diction lessons) are some pretty cool characters, especially when you get into the more serious angle. And what comes with serious parts in anime? Sad songs! While there's nothing in Dominion Tank Police that I'd put on my up and coming "Sad songs to rock out to" compilation that doesn't mean I can't enjoy some appropriate flute playing while a technophilic girl puts jerry rigs some sort of contraption. I'm only human after all.

So fuck CPM for putting this thing out with those stupid covers with the information on the inside, but god bless you CPM for putting out Dominion Tank Police and making my otherwise miserable life complete. Dominion Tank Police is a blessing that should grace every household. I wanted to give it the coveted "five" spot, but I think some of the cheesecake and graphic language was too much for me. Plus, it didn't have enough robots and that's a deal breaker in any language.

**Let me tell you. That'd certainly deter ME!