Dog Warriors #2

Pioneer

100 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
10/09/2001

Well my friends, Valentine's Day is upon us. Another year of going out on a date I don't really want to with the expectation of getting laid at some point if things work out just the right way. But considering the girl I'm accompanying hasn't let anything touch her pristine poonaner in twenty one years I feel that my hopes might be justifiably slim to none. There's not much I can do now except pray to St. Valentine and his massacre that I get to taste a little bit of that Valentine's Day cheer. But if anything, charm is my specialty, and I intend to use what I've got to its full extent. Because I'm certainly not working with anything so pedestrian as "looks" or "brains".
And you honestly didn't think I'd leave my loyal readers by the wayside, did you? Of course not. I love you all as much as I love the tender folds of your mother's special place. Maybe not that much, but it's something to say the least. And since my room has been turned into some sort of den for everyone in the hall where I get second priority playing my OWN videogames I don't really have anything else to do. That's alright, I didn't really want to play Xenogears anyway. What about me makes me think I like Role Playing Games? Every time I plug it in I'm filled with a new hope that maybe this time I'll really sit down and enjoy it.

So too was that very same hope when my future room mate Bear and I trudged laboriously back to the second disc of Dog Warriors. I can't really tell whether I was disappointed or not, certainly the tone set in this volume is better than the first, but was it enough to warrant actually watching it and gleaning some small shred of enjoyment from the crazy political psychobabble that even -I'm- having trouble getting into. You know a show has something deeply wrong with it when the mere mention of political drama isn't enough to bring about a change in my blue jeans. I mean, seriously, Japan, what's up with that?

Things continue much as they've been going from the start. A new dog warrior's introduced just about every episode and through some whimsical and mysterious fate they don't realize they're best buddies even when the guy has the distinguishing birthmark on his fucking FACE. Come on guys, let's get with the program here. How are you gonna save feudal Japan if you can't figure out that the man you just ran into with your birthmark and a magical glowy bead isn't related to you in some way?

And what's up with the beads anyway? I mean, at one point they go to some pretty serious lengths to show the audience that the things have some sort of "magical power" but then never think to return to the subject. Above all else, that would seem to be the running theme in Dog Warriors. At one point a pair of ghosts help the crew fight off a demon. Then it's shown that one of the Hakkenden has been carrying around the heads of the two ghosts. Why? I don't know! I thought they might've been the heads of the people he killed and then decapitated. I guess that wasn't very logical of me, now was it?
All things aside though, the fight scenes have been stepped up a notch from the first five episodes. Things are more interesting and a whole hell of a lot more fluid. You can basically assume that any fight scene with the Pirate Hakkenden in it is going to turn out with some quality action. If you see that lone wolf wearing the bandana on his head then get ready for some serious stuff to go down, there's one scene in particular that had us screaming like apes at feeding time, which is not an entirely untrue analogy.

But before I lose my train of thought, what's up with the girl Hakkenden? Specifically, her crazy wide shoulders. I guess it's the years of conditioning that anime has provided us with that makes one think that a girly girl can actually do some damage in a fight. So honestly, the character design is more spot on than you'd think, all the same I prefer my girls (animated or not) to have less muscle density than me. Some things are just plain creepy. You feel what I'm trying to say here?
I don't think any of us are feeling Dog Warriors yet, despite how much we might want to. Samurai anime with lots of blood isn't really a heavily contested topic around here at fan-service.com. However, things happen sometimes. If you're willing to stick with the show it DOES get better and even a bit more comprehensible. All the same... it's my personal philosophy that after you've invested four hours in something it should be down on its knees and sloping your pole like there's a nuclear strike coming.
And all I have to say is that my piece is still locked up nice and tight.