Dragonball Z #4: The Pendulum Room Pioneer 65 minutes English Dubbed 06/01/1999

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Piccolo : I've never had real feelings for anyone in my life, I don't like it.

Okay, I was seriously scrambling for a good quote in this disc until Piccolo (whose name I always spell wrong on the first try) spat out that little gem. There's nothing better than implied homosexuality due to sketchy wording. Piccolo you freaking pedophile! Gohan's not coming for LOVE training you know! Okay, enough is enough... I want to take a Dragon Ball break for a good week or so. The only problem is they're only an hour long and that makes for pretty easy watching considering when I'm viewing this edited up stuff it doesn't even seem like I'm really watching anything at all. My mind floats in a void of mindlessness just like when I accidentally tune into professional wrestling. As a safety precaution I think of happier things so my brain doesn't explode in a flurry of grey matter as the censored translation and twenty minute long fight scenes wash over me. It took me years of training as a preteen to figure this maneuver out and I warn anyone who's just tuning into Dragon Ball of any kind for the first time to do so with caution. If you can't consistently tune out the part of your consciousness that considers "logic" to be a pretty damn important thing then you should probably take breaks every five minutes and read the newspaper, throw a Frisbee, do something that follows the laws of SANITY. When the skull shattering headaches subside feel free to "treat" yourself to another five to ten minutes of the show. Repeat until you can watch more and more but try not to view more than three hours in a one week period or disastrous results may occur. Believe me, I know. Also, never look -directly- at someone when they're about to jump six or seven hundred feet into the air or your eyeballs may burst like ripe bananas.**

What I like to call the "wussy group" in the whole Earth defense thing has been training faithfully at Kame's tower now for some time now but none of the them are really gaining anything, that is... until Kame's little tar baby companion comes up to them and briefs the boys in orange about a little sojourn into the past... Mission Impossible style! Their journey, should they choose to accept it, involves going a hundred years in the past to the Saiyajin planet and fighting two of its warriors, only to get the crap schooled of them and come back with their (metaphorical) tails between their legs. Chaozu gives an especially wimpy performance as "he" spends most of his time hugging onto one of Tien's appendages. Seems like there's even more homosexual innuendo in this show than we'd first though, to tell the truth I just really don't like Chaozu OR Tien for that matter. I've never seen Chaozu do ANYTHING and that mirror image thing Tien does seems like such a cop out. I'm basing all my hopes on my self-appointed leader of the "Wussy Force" Klillin, or however you romanize the short bastard's name. The point is that the tiny bald man with the crush on Bulma will assumedly be the savior of the world even though I've already seen all these episodes on TV and I know exactly what happens, it's good to pretend like the show is keeping me guessing!

In the other dimension Goku reaches the end of his journey on Snake Way after something like nine months and he reacts with quite the surprise when he realizes the great King Kai is a monkey. He's not actually a monkey...he's a little blue fish-mutant guy, it was all just a big misunderstanding! I think I've said it before but I don't particularly cares. NOTHING takes nine months to get to, what... was he crawling on his stomach from China to... another part of China? Basically it comes down to this, even the most mentally inferior guy (i.e. Goku) is gonna get bored after nine months of doing the same thing over and over again. I can throw a pen up and down in the air during slow times at the office but I'll stop my girlish giggles and clapping after about five minutes, why doesn't Goku just give up and say screw the earth? Do you realize that apparently every character in this show trains about 15-16 hours a day in preparation for the coming of these giant monkey tailed bastards? After a week you wouldn't think they'd be able to move under the weight of their own massive muscles, then they'd fall over and die from cardiac arrest. After the "Wussy Squad", Gohan the boy wonder and his future life partner Piccolo, and GOkue, the world's dumbest man, die of their own devices... who will be left to protect the Earth?

**Okay, so I'm not sure if bananas burst. But if they did, oh... they WOULD!