Burn-Up W

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120 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
6/27/2000

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you all got what you wanted under the tree. I may not have gotten anything special, but I am chewing on an 8 oz. box of Mike and Ikes right now. Everytime I stop eating candy someone gives me some and I realize how god damn good some of this stuff is. I could replace bread and dairy with Mike and Ikes as part of my balanced diet and I really see nothing wrong with that. I don't know if you realize this, but 8 oz. is half a pound. Half a pound of pure sugar. This has gotta be illegal in some states. I'm sure soon selling someone some "cane" will take on an entirely different meaning. Then we'd finally have an illegal drug I could get behind.
Much like Burn-Up W gets behind you and totally violates any sense of decency you have. This was back in my impressionable days before I realized EVERY anime at AnimeOnDVD gets a fucking B+ so it's not like that's some measure of quality. I'm not saying Chris Bevridge has sold out or anything, I don't think he has at all. I think he probably just likes anime a bit too much for his own good. And turkey too probably, and ham.

Which isn't to say that I don't like turkey and ham, they definitely have their beneficial qualities. But everything in moderation, I think, even anime. As I've mentioned in reviews in the past, sexual comedy really isn't that funny. A single innuendo laden phrase can do eons more than thirty or forty wiggling racks and screams of "PERVERT!" followed by a punch that, in the words of Ralph Kramden, sends you BANG POW! Right to the moon! If you need proof of this just watch the new Bond movie. It's like they're not even trying anymore. Half the movie is the characters basically yelling at each other "Yes! I want to have sex with you!" Oh, 'we're going to go down together' while on a crashing plane. Why didn't I see that coming?
So anyway. Burn-Up W is the mundane story of a whole bunch of police chicks in a special squad that goes around cleaning up jobs the police can't handle. Of course they have one guy, for the demographics. And don't let me spoil it for you, but he's totally inept and a pervert to boot. I get really pissed off when they do this shit. I went to a feminist rally at my school a couple months ago which ended basically with me and the woman running the event screaming at each other at the top of our lungs. I'm all for equal rights, but if you walk down the street in a latex top and a mini-micro skirt then people are going to FUCKING look at you bitch. It's just common sense. The only problem is this kind of stuff isn't feminist propaganda by far. I'm not really sure what it's trying to accomplish.

Unless it's sucking. Because if this show is trying to suck then they're doing so quite admirably I must admit. I've already seen this thing twice and I pray to god I never have to see it again. The depressing thing is this is party of the illustrious "First thirteen" DVDs I ever owned. I'm surprised I didn't break it over my knee and renounce anime fandom right there. Be warned, it takes more than an iron constitution to watch this show. And preferably watch it when nobody else is in the house because you'll never live it down.

And the show doesn't even make an sense in it's own loosely defined theme. Everything's going whacky crazy hijinks style for two and a half episodes. One scene one of the police chicks is trying to sell her panties to a pervert shop (quite common in Japan from what I hear) and the next there's a cold blooded murder right in the police station. You can tell what a waste of time this is because the creators introduce a new character just so she can die two scenes later. I hate it when they pussy out like that. If you wanna up the tone on the show, fine, but you better be willing to show some balls and kill someone who MATTERS.

But I've made all these arguments a few times already so I guess there isn't much to say. I'm not sure WHY I'm giving this show a 2 and not a 1, but it's probably because of animation quality. That, or the theme. My theory has always been that a show with a REALLY good themesong is either awesome or completely sucks. But now that I think about it, Burn-Up W's theme really isn't that good at all. Fuck man, this show is a bigger waste of time than a thesaurus for Jerry. Don't let yourself be attracted by the fact that you can get the entire show on DVD for less than $20... they do these things for a reason.
In closing, have a merry holiday and don't buy anything that even resembles this show. If I ever find the people who made this I will kick their mother fucking asses and throw them in a dumpster for perpetuating stereotypes. I might not be a nice guy, but I don't like to discriminate between people for anything other than intelligence. And I REALLY don't like being thought of as a pervert just because I watch cartoons.
...okay fine, nevermind...