Blue Seed #2: Descent Into Terror ADV 180 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 07/10/2001

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Watching Blue Seed is always a cathartic experience. Catharsis, of course, means getting an enema or otherwise purging your bowels. In an artistic sense it has something to do with emotions, but I prefer the poopy definition a lot more. Honestly, I just wanted to use "cathartic" in a review because it'd make me sound big and smart, even though I'm not exactly sure of the spelling. Kind of like how Mike Tyson uses big words now when he talks in his high pitched stutter, you know he's an idiot but you've got to give him respect for almost pronouncing "ambivalent" correctly. I, on the other hand, can't spell worth a damn after the words start reaching two or more syllables. This is from someone who scored in the 700s on his Verbal SATs. Proving two things, 1) Standardized testing means absolute dick for how smart you are, but at least I can impress some of the dim witted women I know by using words like "moral dichotomy" and "impetus" in casual dialogue.** When you use words people don't understand it often makes them want to take their undergarments off for you, barring your massive overbite and the pocket protector you have in your shirt pocket.

Let's get on to the mashed potatoes of the review. Here at fan-service.com we try and bring you the utmost in twisted clichés, thus the substitution from the known phrase "meat and potatoes". Like mashed potatoes, the content portion of the review is warm and mushy and makes your tummy feel pretty good, but if you take in too much you're in for a long night in the bathroom. So consider this my public service announcement, please restrict yourself to a reasonable quantity of poorly attempted hilarity before something in you bursts. Assumedly nobody's still here reading this because the mere mention of mashed potatoes should be enough to make any red-blooded American run for the kitchen and whip of a batch of white lumps and butter, I know I've got the craving. For those of you foreign bastards that can withstand the relentless calling of a tin can of Idaho flakes, read on!

Starting off with one of my all time favorite episodes of one of my all time favorite shows, the Idol one, we're given a glance into the life of the auditions for the next pop idol hit of Japan. For some reason it's decided that making the poor heroine Momiji into a hit singer is a great idea because should it ever be revealed that all the Japanese people have to do to stop the giant monsters from attacking them is to kill the girl, they'll be a lot less willing to do it if the ditzy but lovable Kushinada princess is running number one on the radio charts. So into her embarrassingly small bathing suit the girl goes. Running something like the Miss America pageant for pedophiles, the idol contest involves talent shows and scantily clad sixteen year olds. My only gripe with the Blue Seed dub is the craptacular job on the wonderfully sugar sweet song "Jumping Over Stars" sung in tandem by Momiji and her rival, the priestess Sakura. For those getting Urusei Yatsura flashbacks, no need to worry... Sakura is a Japanese American just recently returned to the motherland to show how much she can kick ass and ride motorcycles. Spiders taking over your children and turning them into mindless voodoo slaves? Not a problem for the boy crazy Shinto-esque! Greg turned to me and asked why she wore those funny X-Ray glasses and I honestly couldn't give him a good explanation. Really, why DO they wear those ridiculous things? Then there's the introduction Murakumo, the man with EIGHT mitamas as compared to Kusanagi's seven. You can't really tell if he's good or bad, but he sure does kill those Aragami he regards as "imperfect souls" good, much to the chagrin of the demon hunting TAC and Kusanagi the badass. Blue Seed is the defining anime of our time, fanservice, monsters, Jason Lee. How can you beat that?

Dave : You see, the demon lord Orochi no Orochi killed Kusanagi's parents and gave him the souls of his seven brothers so he could protect the two Kushinada princesses to make sure that they wouldn't die before being placed in the ceramic field that would nullify their powers and allow the Aragami to stay awake after the death of Kaeda and Momiji. However, Murakumo has a perfect set of eight souls which gives him the ability of flight and makes him ridiculously more powerful. Everyone else in the room : O...kay. *blinks* Dave : Sigh...

**As a side note, I seem to unconsciously try to insert some form of "dichotomous" into every conversation I have.