Blue Submarine No. 6 #2: Pilots Bandai 30 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 07/04/2000

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There's something that's always freaked me out. Food in the bathroom. Now, I'm not talking about eating food in the bathroom, mind you. That's a whole different kind of nasty. No, what I mean is taking food in the bathroom for any stretch of time. Like say I go make a sandwich but on the way back from the kitchen I feel the urge to use the bathroom. Well, I stop and take care of business and I wash my hands and stuff. But there's still like an AURA that screams up at me from the corned beef. It's like there's some supernatural toilet force at work and it's ruined my food again. So what I'm trying to say is I'm ALWAYS gonna make a stop to drop off the food rather than take it to the bathroom. My bladder could be on the point of bursting and, I'm not gonna lie, I'd take the extra few minutes. If you feel the same way, gimme a hell yeah. I've gotta wonder sometimes if my good buddy Tetsu Hayami feels the same way. Life can't be all high sailing and fish girl killing for him. What does the Tetsu Hayami deep down inside feel about things? I must imagine the boy had a bladder full of steel from sailing around in that submarine all the time. And for that matter, where does the waste go in a submarine? Into a tank like in an RV home I suppose. That's not a happy picture to think about.

 

Neither is this next episode of Blue Sub No. 6, where tragedy strikes. Whatever that city the submarines were protecting was, it's royally screwed now. Intrepid Captain Cheech Marin tries to help out in the fight but is forced to leave by his best buddy and Captain of a wussy old submarine. Said wussy, old submarine is promptly destroy because it sucks and doesn't look like a giant blue penis (Not that Blue Sub DOES, mind you). Then it's off to Blue Base where disaster strikes yet again! The humans just can't seem to win. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound like a misogynist or anything, but I don't think women can be Admirals and I don't think Admirals are gonna go around heading up dangerous attacks in the Antarctic. Listen Admiral, Hammurabi was a great guy and all, but shouldn't you go make babies or something somewhere?** Regardless, there's a plan to take down the creator of all these hideous fish freaks and stop the poles from shifting and destroying the world for humankind and all that. It's a good deal I think, maybe not for the fishies... but last time I checked they were our food anyway. Flounder tastes fucking sweet.

 

Scary sharkmen really freak the crap outta me. Especially in the dub when they sound like women.*** They also freak the crap outta me when they extend their long tongues to have icky make out sessions with fishgirls. Yuck, that's five seconds of anime that'll be burned into my brain forever, I want to pour detergent in my eyes while screaming "Must be clean! Must be clean!". Thanks a lot Blue Sub, you've scarred me for life... AGAIN Well, maybe not again, but at least once. You might think I'm a pussy for saying so, but fuck you. I doubt you could watch a big talking shark jam its long blue tongue down a fishgirl's mouth and not feel the least bit perturbed. I wanted to vomit up every meal I've ever eaten. That was some raw shit. And this scary sharkman is making a beeline for Blue Base, where the good natured humans are trying to puzzle out how they're gonna blow the hell out of the South Pole. ICBM it to hell? It's not like anything lives there anyway, it's the most barren place on earth. Apparently the tiny, ninety thousand year old doctors in Blue Sub aren't tall enough to figure things like that out. But they could sure give a midget a run for his money!

 

The plan is to catch the subs in their pens and then slaughter them like the chickens of the sea that they are. Which brings me to the point of tuna, another good fish solution. I love everything the sea has ever made, except for jellyfish because I wouldn't assume they taste very good and those things with the shell and the spiky tail thing. Whatever they hell THEY are they gotta go. Everything else can stay... in my stomach! I'm lying when I say I'm going to Otakon mostly to gorge myself on seafood. The only warning given is that of idiot's savant, the psychic retard Howan/Hwang/whatever. She's a twelve year old girl that acts as some sort of living sonar for good old No. 6. She and hear bear seem to hear things in the water they aren't happy like dolphins and whales are. Listen girl, I hate evil things just as much as the next guy, but I'm pretty sure your crew mates might need a little more to go on than "unhappy songs in the water". How I loathe you.

**Views not necessarily shared by the whole fan-service.com

***Why is it that whenever there's a scary sounding character in the original language, the dub writers/producers/clerks decide the English version just HAS to have an echo to go along with his/her voice? I mean seriously, it happens every time.