Bubblegum Crash AnimEigo 135 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles Released: 09/23/2003 Reviewed: 02/22/2005

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Much like my much beloved Bubblegum Crisis I was hesitant to do a write up on this show, though for wholly different reasons. My reluctance in the face of the original was due to my love for it vis-a-vis the general consensus of "this show sucks" that logical, rational people go with. With Crash, it's more a factor of "Way to screw up a universe that wasn't so great to begin with, stupid." My love for the progenitor of this show is well established, I've got about three thousand words that would support my point. During a brief spat where I had nothing else to do I was planning to write an eight page essay on why Bubblegum Crisis could be considered the definitive 80s anime OVA. That's how much I like this universe, that I'd write what entails a college term paper for absolutely no reason other than self gratification. I didn't actually do it, of course, because that'd probably be a little weird. As the wheel turns, I can barely force myself to write up this about Bubblegum Crash. The only thing propelling me is the unending ire I'm experiencing in the bowels of my stomach.

This show pisses me off. It's not like 2040, which has no pretense of holding to anything but a few key concepts from its creator. Crash seems to consider itself a wholly separate entity than the first show AND a direct sequel. What has changed will be a bit evident to even the most casual of fans. Boomers, the world's essential robot nemeses, are now nothing more than mindless automatons. While in the forerunner they were beings capable of love, hate, and lesbian relationships, the boomers found here can barely mix a pot of coffee without spilling it on the feet of a hapless (but lovable!) A.D. Police officer. Talk about irritating! Nobody seems to notice that boomers got less human and more retarded during the Night Saber's brief hiatus. Now they're too busy being "no more intelligent than an orangutan" to plot anything even half as crazy as turning little girls into satellite antennas so they can destroy the whole of Megatokyo. Who am I supposed to hate now? Some smarmy professor with schemes of controlling the boomer market? Not likely! Not unless he's hiding a robotic leg or extendo-arm!

The Knight Sabers themselves have went through a few changes as well. They're all succeeding in their time off and Nene seems to be the only one interested in reviving the once powerful quartet of ladies. It's a lucky stroke, then, when fate decides to throw a monkey wrench into their plans. The second the sleazy ad exec tried to shove Priss into a frilly orange number I knew things were back on track. You don't take a pig out of its slop, why try to take a dyke from her leather? Then the show gleefully informs us that these are not the Knight Sabers we once knew and loved. Now everyone in the world has a sword (because swords are cool!) and for no reason the creators felt fit to tell us, the Knight Sabers now fly around in a jet (because jets are cool). This particular jet takes of from a lingerie shop, which is not at all conspicuous. Also, Priss has eschewed her affinity for punching people with exploding fists. She's now turned to a rather impressive looking gun that SHOOTS SWORDS. I'm not kidding. As if the show wasn't already suffused with the damn things, even the guns have started vomiting them out now!

The first episode, which is the only one that's almost worth watching, concerns a bunch of really cool buzz words like "Illegal Army" and "Colonel Lando" and not a whole lot else (besides continuity errors). The fight scenes are somewhat impressive, but 2040 has spoiled me and I'm really catching the bad animation now. Crash looks low budget even considering its predecessor, which was no prized pig despite a few key names in the production staff. The only really shining moment is when Leon steps into that K-Suit and you know he's gonna do some business. In fact, the only thing that makes this show halfway decent is that they decided to allocate more time to the team of super sleuths, Leon and Daley. Not nearly enough, though, when you consider that they're beaten out for face time by an annoying preadolescent boomer that squeals stuff like "That's prejudice!" while he tries to educate the robo-hating Priss on the fact that boomers aren't all bad. Listen boy, robots were bad before they made a little kid version. And Bubblegum Crash was bad before it even got put on the drawing board. Who the hell decided to turn the second episode into an after school special? Why wasn't that scrapped before it reached phase one? That's the kind of plot that spends 99% of its existence as a crumpled up piece of paper in a trash bin. The fact that the first show didn't even get to go its full run should've been a clue. I would've been happier if they scrapped this entirely and made even a single extra episode of A.D. Police. Thinking about this makes me want to blow chunks. At least Hammer's getting his due, I guess.