Bubblegum Crisis #4 AnimEigo 99 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 2/02/1999

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If you got even the slightest notion that I'd do a review of the "music" disc of Bubblegum Crisis without including a picture of our mutual friend "Rand M. Blackguy" then you, amigo, are sorely mistaken. And if you've absolutely no idea who he is then please, allow me to enlighten you. When he's not towing cars with his bare hands and crushing babies into cubes to promote spacial economy, he spends his time rocking out to Priss and the Replicants. But this man has a very specific way of rocking out, in so much as he only raises and lowers his arm in a series of herky-jerky motions that would put Chong Li from Bloodsport to shame. And if a five hundred pound black guy who's got more muscles in his left ass cheek than I do in my entire body wants to dance like a juiced up spider monkey then who am I to stop him? Hell, even if I did I'd like to see the army of green berets who'd be able to take him down. My advice to you Japan: Lose the chicks in the shiny, ergonomically incorrect armor and hire my man Rand, you will not be disappointed with the results.

As much as I know you want it to be, this review isn't gonna be about Lucky Strikes, the cigarette most proven to make you feel like a World War I sniper. Don't feel bad, I wish I could do that too, but we've got more pressing matters to attend to. Like who the hell at AnimEigo thinks that Line Art is a good extra to include in a DVD? Now, I'm not exactly henning myself out to be the DVD extra gourmet. Disregard that for a moment though, and think about what a colossal waste of time this is. You can't even scroll through the pictures yourself, you have to wait. It's a sixteen minute slide show. That's almost half as long as the disc itself! Forget you Line Art. Where's the DVDs that give you oral gratification? If I was pressed, I would have to say that the best part about this DVD is that you never have to listen to Priss talk, not even once! In fact, the only non-music sounds in the entire discs are explosions and as anyone who knows me will attest, the only things that belong in Music Over Action that's not music are explosions, the sound of beatings and/or gunfire, and newscasts. So you'll find no complaints from me.

(This is Vision's voice actress, or the chick who sings for her, or both. I'm not really sure, what I do know is that she looks like she's gonna pass out... or vomit, neither of which I'd want to be around for.) It all just reminds of why I like Bubblegum Crisis. Chicks in suits are still cool, no matter how bitchy Priss is, Kenichi Sonoda character designs rock me like Amadeus. By this disc I was first introduced to Akuma to Tenshi no KISU and I can't help but get a little misty eyed every time I hear it. And now, after a few years watching again I've discovered another little gem I need to get my hands on. Crisis - Run with Anger will kick your ass ten ways from Sunday and still leave you wanting more. And more you'll get. It's just pretty unfortunate that most of it you won't want. They should've advertised this thing as letting you "relive your favorite Bubblegum Crisis moments". Yeah, relive your favorite moments again, and again, and again. Remember Frederick from the first episode? You will after this! Because they show you the same scene like ten times! Same with the Motoslave and Linna in the phone booth. I still see those frames when I close my eyes. Like a demonic Etch-A-Sketch it's ingrained itself into my brain and nothing short of a terribly strong shake (with a hammer, or possibly electric drill) is gonna get them out.

Here we have Sylia's voice actress, who looks EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE CHARACTER. That's just weird, but it only makes me wantsleep with her, even though this thing was probably recorded around fifteen years ago and she's significantly older right now. I can't help but feel bad for her though, as the chick looks like she'd rather have the aforementioned drill bored into her head than spend another minute singing in front of that "crazed audience" of twelve or fifteen people. Don't you worry, Misses Yoshiko Sakakibara, because I know you're way classier than the rest of those whores in their cheap and flashy costumes. You can tell she's old school. She doesn't like crowds, she's always looking down and bowing. But I bet she gives a fucking monster hummer, because she's the kind of chick who would. Should Misses Sakakibara ever read this, I'm sorry to be so disrespectful, but that's the way I give compliments. Basically, if you ever want to come down to the America side, that's okay with me. I won't even call you by your real name if you don't want me to. If you liked Bubblegum Crisis you probably already own it. If you don' t really like Bubblegum Crisis but you totally dug on the music then you're me. And if you're reading my reviews to try and get some sort of scope of whether or not you should buy this then you're probably criminally insane. Just ask yourself this, do songs with lyrics like "Though I'm worried about tomorrow's weather I'm sure that even now from somewhere there will be an SOS" make me queasy? The answer should, and always will be for me, yes yes for the love of GOD yes. Fortunately you can turn the subtitles off, because these songs are freakin' unbelievable (as long as you don't know what the words mean).**

**And also as long as you're not listening to Jumping Star.