Bubblegum Crisis #1 AnimEigo 105 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 02/02/1999

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It was bound to happen sometime. I was gonna have to rereview Bubblegum Crisis. And let me tell you, I haven't been looking forward to it. Because, as much as I like this show, it kind of sucks. Every time I watch it I'm reminded that I enjoy watching a pretty bad show and that, in turn, makes me feel pretty bad. I can still remember when it all started, released as part of AnimEigo's "rape your wallet" series. At the low low price of $30 per episode, this series was a bargain! Or it would be, if you could grind it up and snort it up your nose in a method most likely illegal. Then, early on in the DVD trade we got screwed again. The entirety of Bubblegum Crisis was released for a much more reasonable price, in a CARDBOARD BOX. You know what you get computer games in? One of those big bastards. I guess they must've splurged, spending all the money they saved on packaging by putting the show in jewel cases. Not even an insert in sight. I suppose we got it a little better than we could've. They could've urinated on the discs before they sent them to us, or even worse... put them in those little paper sleeves.

(Chicks in ties are hot as shit. I miss the 80's) Fortunately we did get lucky in the end. The keepcases that house my four DVDs of the show might suck, but at least they're keepcases. I don't know who was the marketing genius that decided that a pink DVD with silver foil on the edges looked cool but I want to rough them up. Even the shots of the girls look pretty bad. Except for Linna's on this disc, that one's okay. You know what Bubblegum Crisis is so I don't even know why I bother telling you. It's a poor shadow of what it's successor 2040 would become. The characters often seem uninspired, the hardsuits are a bit less refined, the choreography is about as bad as you can expect with only 80's animation to back it up, and Priss. Don't even get me started on Priss. 2040's Priss surprised me so much because she was not the bitchy wuss I had come to hate so much over the years. Unlike this show's Priss, she was badass and aloof and entirely cool. Plus she had a cool character design to boot. Don't get me wrong, I love Keiichi Sonoda but that blonde wig that's so obviously a Bladerunner reference just pisses me off. Please, when you watch this show, realize that this is not MY Priss. Hey, you know what's fun? Going off on personal vendettas... EVERY EPISODE. What pisses me off even more is her legion of fans. Why would so many people like someone so wholly unlikeable?

By the way, my roommate thinks that the director's cut of Bladerunner is better than the original. I tried to explain to him that by removing the voice-overs and making the ending so damn happy they totally killed the "noir" feel of the entire movie. A happy ending in a move so oppressively sad is just retarded. But then again, Pete doesn't seem to like any movie that had a sad ending. What's up with that? If you haven't read Do Androids Dream of Electronic Sheep? I suggest you pick it up. For the only time in my life I can honestly say I love Dick. Right now, though, that's not your concern. The one thing this show does have over its sequel, aside from 80's animation, is my much loved "music over action." Whether it be Konya Wa Harriken playing while the first boomer in the show rips through the A.D. Police or Mad Machine while a montage of a destroyed city is shown, music over action is the quickest way into my heart. By the way, in case you haven't heard, Mad Machine is a good song. Possibly THE song. All children should be weaned on Mad Machine instead of their mother's milk. It's just that good. Everyone knows that this is the easiest way in my heart. My wedding ceremony will involve a group of ninjas fighting in an abandoned ghost town while Akuma To Tenshi No Kisu plays. And the ninjas will have guns.

(On the right you'll see a picture of Nene doing what she does best, getting knocked into pipes) However, should you have some desire to listen to Hey, Mr. Dandy please put a gun to your head and end your life. I was beginning to feel that this was the worst song ever, until I listened to the English version of it, which basically sounds like a person doing KARAOKE OF THE WORST SONG EVER. If you have heard a specific someone in the room with me right now whistle or sing anything, you would understand the pain that this song has caused me. Coincidentally It's the only song sung by a guy on the entire soundtrack. Now, that's not to say I'm biased against male vocalized J-pop. I like the Soul Taker theme, and without men where would our Giant Robot theme songs be? I gave Bubblegum Crisis a three, and I think it deserves that. My nostalgic impulses suggest higher ratings, but I know that not even Mad Machine would make this show that much better. If you've got $40 or so dollars to spread around then there are animes I've rated at 3 that are a hell of a lot worse than this one, but that doesn't make it the cat's meow either. If you're not planning to get the show, do yourself a favor and get the soundtrack. It's the best, and possibly the only good, J-Pop you'll ever hear.