Battle Athletes Victory
#7: The Last Dance
Pioneer
65 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
11/09/1999
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Battle Athletes Victory
Pioneer
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When good shows end I simultaneous get disappointed and happy at the same time. As has been the procedure for the past few years, I've writing these reviews to cover up the indelible mark of shame left by what they once were. I'll say to you, in what has become my freaking CREED over the years, if you didn't see the previous write-ups then be glad you didn't. So I'm happy that the spot on my record has been arrested like a juvenile criminal on his eighteenth birthday, but I'm also sad to see it go. It's so rare that I actually want to watch something animated that I'm always pleased when it just happens to occupy the good part of anime, which is far in the minority. In a masterpiece of timing and pacing, Battle Athletes Victory makes you sit through three episodes comprised of only the air hockey match (continued from last episode a la Dragonball Z), the final event, and the day between. This is not normal style for anything really, and please consider that I am the most impatient person on the planet, but there's very few shows around that can move so slow so as to actually seem to be moving backwards and still actually keep my interest. If you're anything like me (and if you're a studly, strapping young adult, you are) then you'll find you have trouble believing that anyone could possibly stretch things out that far and still manage to be interesting and good instead of, you know, this while doing it. |
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Well, they did, and it's called Battle Athletes Victory. A brief smattering of back story tells us pretty much all one would need to know about the "psycho but awesome" Mylandah and the "weirdo robot Russian/Spanish" Lahrri, who were friends at some point... or something like that anyway. It's not made really clear for us, but it seems to me they're kind of like an older, cooler, non-retarded-cute version of the heroine duo of Akari and Kris Christopher. Whereas Akari cries and gets pouty, Mylandah says things like "I'll make you kneel in the filth of your disgrace." Which, if she wants to say something like that, is totally alright with me. But my incessant Mylandah-love isn't what you're looking for right now. I will say this though, I can enjoy that woman on both the Japanese and English tracks (though for psycho bitches, the Japanese track always edges out just a little bit ahead). For a relatively old dub, it's a pretty good job on many accounts. I enjoy the tense Miracle, the tender Kris, the stoic Headmaster (but the much vaunted David Lucas) and the frenetic Kannonji. Things aren't all that good though, as Anna, Lahrri and Tanya could've been done a bit more justice, even if they are crappy characters that barely deserve it. |
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Now that we're basically in the home stretch, let me espouse on the things I love about this piece of wonderful cinema. The fact that it doesn't mention the more sensitive areas of a woman, save maybe in passing? Very good. Kris Christopher still as ridiculous as she was in the OVA? Very bad. Kris Christopher not getting naked and rubbing all over people? Very good. Cosmo Beauty = Gay Roman Emperor? Very bad. This frame of Mylandah which you probably wouldn't ever see unless you were skipping through frame by frame? Very, VERY bad. Terribly bad. Purple spine on the DVD case when the other seven are black? Not nearly as bad as certain melodramatics at AnimeOnDVD forums make it out to be, but confusing. Everything else? Pretty good! My love of Battle Athletes Victory can be easily encapsulated by an explanation of its opening and ending themes. Tsukasa starts the show off with a bang, gets your attention and, at one part, drops off and gets all quiet while the chick is still singing. Man, that is so totally how we like to do things around here. The ending theme, Honey Bee, tells a story that somewhat relates to the context of the program, making it basically unique in the realm of anime, and has a kicking bass line that doesn't stop rocking until the rocking stops. If you were to put them both together we'd have a mutant SUPER SONG on our hands, and I don't think we'd want anything like that. Even the Japanese space aliens from The Terror of Mechagodzilla wouldn't be able to stop that! |
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I think it's safe to say that you can't just watch something like Battle Athletes Victory, it's more of an experience (I didn't want to go through writing 250+ reviews without using such a stunning reviewer's cliché). When I watch the girly stuff, usually I'm as turned off as you, fair reader, might be. Such is not the case with this wonderful nugget of a program. Which, honestly, makes me wish we had something like it on our American TV. Which is not to say that American TV is shit and Japanese TV is awesome, because I'm pretty sure it's fair to assume that they're both entrenched knee-deep in their own mire, but Battle Athletes Victory inspires in me the desire to see more episodes, and soon! Three years ago (you'll stop having to hear that very very soon, I promise) I watched the last three discs of this show in succession. That's only three some hours of entertainment, I know, but for someone like me that might as well be sitting still for THIRTY hours. As someone who mysteriously occupies the spectrum as both an obsessed collector and extremely casual viewer** I must say that Battle Athletes Victory could be the best thing I've ever seen in ANY form of entertainment ever (barring the inclusion of giant robot shows). People who know me know I don't really like anime, per se, I just watch it, so that's a pretty lofty claim. Watch Battle Athletes Victory, keep an open mind, you won't be disappointed. ...as long as you don't watch the last disc... |
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Taking a cue from the Pokemon, I've decided to spice up these reviews for the reader back home. So, enjoy the "incomprehensible athletic maneuver" of every disc of Battle Athletes Victory with me, and enjoy it in style! IAM #7: Kris Christopher's "The Last Event is Totally RETARDED" If I was a chick and my name was Kris Christopher, I think I'd have some serious problems with it. As it is though, me being me, I think that'd be a pretty damn sweet name to have, but I may just be more a proponent of alliteration than most are. That's cool though, no big deal, the main issue here is that the last event, the VERY last event, the event that DECIDES THE RULER OF THE WORLD (maybe) is the, get this, hundred meter dash! Anti-climatic, anyway? Good Christ, I can do the hundred meter dash! Well, before I started smoking anyway, now, not so much. It's not upside-down, it's not even zero gravity which, as I mentioned, is basically their go to when they can't think of anything weird enough. I understand why they did it, but after air hockey I was kind of getting used to the ridiculous stuff. What a way to go out. |
