Battle Athletes Victory #2: Doubt and Conflict Pioneer 65 minutes English/Japanese English Subtitles 05/11/1999

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Those loner-types always get my goat, and it only seems like the more of a stoic or sociopath they are the closer I'm drawn to them. I'd imagine this happens on an unconscious level because it's the same as how my normal dating habits progress, only the chicks I date generally aren't on a level of hotness that John Q. (Or Hirosaki Q.) Animecreator has imagined. Generally that's okay though, because the chicks I date usually aren't chronically underage, nor do they have all the emotions of a robot. (Well, except for that one). I think what it boils down to is I want to fuck a superhero. I like those angry/crazy ones and I'm pretty sure that's what all super heroines boil down to. Now, I don't read a lot of comic books and there weren't very many girls in Transformers so you're going to have to forgive me if I leave a few bits out, but let's take Catwoman from Batman. She's pretty badass right? Like, I think she's got a whip or a lasso or some other kind of crappy weapon that can be taken in a BSDM context when you look at the latex getup she's wearing. Despite whatever lightning bolt or nuclear explosion that gave her her powers, I think I could take her. Then we'd start cursing at each other and maybe she'd slap me, maybe I'd slap her. Maybe both! Then the hot, hot sex would ensue. Yeah, me and Catwoman would be a good match, what with all the anger and the angry sex.

Akari and Ichino are the same way, without the angry sex (which is okay because that'd be gross). Ichino's always pushing her too far and throwing picture frames at her then they get into this huge slap fight and I swear to god Akari gets punched/elbowed FOUR times in this set of three episodes by two different people. I didn't realize "Antarctica Training School" was a code word for "Land for people who like to beat up 15 year olds". These aren't fake "humorous" punches like you'll see in a lesser echelon of anime, no. These are full out wallops and there's no goofy music when Akari flies into the outer solar system, because she doesn't do that. Usually she just falls over and starts crying. Now, I am not a fifteen year old girl, but I have been punched in the face and from my experience I can extrapolate that that's pretty much what a fifteen year old girl would do. You probably weren't convinced that this show was worth making a fuss about when you watched the first disc, I have to wonder if anyone was. (Anyone I'd want to associate with anyway)

This is where you'll be turned to the light though. While I don't totally agree with the setting, all those short cartoon skirts don't really do it for me, the subject matter is generally right on the spot. I honestly don't think I've seen a show more harsh to more unassuming characters. Though I didn't cry, I'd imagine that lesser men might have and the thought certainly poked at the back of my mind. But crying is for losers, and if this sixty minute cartoon DOES make you cry then please realize that you should never tell anyone, certainly not me. All things considered, I an not a very emotional person. I used to get my kicks doing things no sane person would tolerate. All the same, this kind of got to me. Last disc I was kind of thinking that hey, maybe this could be a kid show if it wasn't for all the inappropriate cursing going on throughout the dub. Let me be the first to tell you that because of this section of the show I'm not sure if it's appropriate for anyone, especially not anyone of such a tender age. While I'm all for exposing today's youth to whatever's necessary to toughen them up, I don't think "Little Japanese girl beatdown 1998" is really proper viewing material.

I also couldn't, in good conscience, show my child something which uses the English language so horridly. Fisical instead of Physical and Energie instead of Energy, fine, I can deal with that. Everyone makes mistakes. But can someone tell me directly what the FUCK is Natrium? Friends, I know that I'll never forget my very first "Freshers Ceremony". I'm not saying it's their fault for having no idea how to spell anything, I'm just trying to point out the fact that I'm not writing Japanese on everything I create. What kind of message are they trying to convey here? A scary one. Forget about improper spelling and gratuitous beatings, the psycho Jessie Gurtland is far and away the winner on this disc. The chick has spent her whole life learning to copy the movements of the best Cosmic Beauty ever, Tomoe Midoh, right down to the slightest curvature of the elbow. If that doesn't set off the crazy flags then I have no idea what possibly could. The only problem is nothing's gonna be done about her until they find her wearing the skin of Akari's mother like a three piece suit. A girl that crazy, it's a surprise I don't have her number in my rolodex.

Taking a cue from the Pokemon, I've decided to spice up these reviews for the reader back home. So, enjoy the "incomprehensible athletic maneuver" of every disc of Battle Athletes Victory with me, and enjoy it in style! IAM #2: Ichino Yanagida's "Make like Harrison Ford" technique! Life is rough for the tomboy from Osaka who also happens to be my favorite character. If you're shocked that I'm enamored with the girl who pushes people around and throws picture frames at her best friend then you're probably reading the wrong website. Regardless of all that, here we see Ichino (better known as It-chan) running from a boulder like Indie in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Why is she taking such a dangerous path when there's likely, I don't know, -highways- or something in Japan? Who knows! That's a question I'd rather leave up to the philosophers.