Bastard
Pioneer
180 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
06/05/2001
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Bastard
Pioneer
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Dave: Do those two girls kiss? Dark Schneider is supposedly the biggest badass you ever did see. Though right now he's trapped in the body of an innocent youth named Rushe whose only desire is to wash the panties of his friend and confident, Yoko. However, when the time comes the kiss of a virgin is needed to break the seal that traps him inside. The only problem is, Yoko ain't exactly the most chaste girl on the planet. Though it's never exactly expanded on, Skabla has the theory that she's sucked down her share of choads. I'm not exactly gonna argue with his logic either. Regardless of that face, the seal is still broken and Dark Schneider goes about rocking the hell out of everyone around. The "seal" aspect just gets gradually less and less important until DS can do pretty much whatever he pleases. Rushe? Rushe WHO? |
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The world of Bastard!! plays like something out of Dungeons and Dragons or some random video game. DS even has a certain amount of spells he can cast a day. Something like that anyway. You'll find the stereotypical beholder in episode two. Things like that. Only it takes these well known facts and puts an even crazier spin on them. There's something called a "Blood Oath". Apparently everyone has one, and everyone has the exact same one. They all ask for a firey destruction, something along those lines. All I know is, the guy who this blood oath is tied to must be really tired of being called on during dinner and stuff like that. That's the thing about this show. Everything gets repeated a few times. Be it blood oath, or what we've labeled the weird "blue fingernail turn you into a toad" spell. |
| The problem with Bastard!! is that Dark Schneider just isn't as cool as his supporting cast of characters. Some of them anyway. Before he was sealed away he had these four generals of Havoc who hung around with him. Arshe, now Thunder Empress Arshes Nei, his dark elf slut with incredibly responsive nipples. Ninja Master Gara, voiced by David Lucas (Spike Spiegel), who is infinitely cooler than Dark Schneider could ever be. Gara controls an army of 2,000 ninja. You know what can beat 2,000 ninja? NOTHING. The only thorn in the mustard is Abigail. Abigail is a man. Army of the evil dead or not, I really can't feel at all afraid of a man named Abigail. That's all there is to it. |  |
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Bastard!! isn't bad. Especially for a six episode OVA from the early nineties. Episode three, focusing on Ninja Master Gara is a wonderful thing. As is the fight scene at the end. However, spots in between are just ridiculous and the fan-service is often overplayed. For instance, why does the vampire have to rip off the girl's shirts to suck their blood? But whatever. Normally anything that has an entire series on one disc is enough to make me very leery. However, Bastard!! doesn't really disappoint. The absolute unkillable Dark Schneider is amusing to watch. Though, one wonders why a kingdom would trust someone with the words "Evil Sorcerer" in his name. It's not an unworthy purchase. Bastard!! has very little pretense about what kinda plot it has. It's a vehicle for busty women and muscular men. Some things are just so ridiculous, such as the woman who kills a castle guardsman in a duel and then is never seen or heard from again. Save for her and Arshe the girls are weak and frail. Be they priests daughters or holy swordsman they can do nothing but whimper as a man that towers a foot or two above them rips their blouse to shreds. That's what girls are good for after all. |