Battle Athletes
#3: Go
Pioneer
60 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
02/09/1999
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Battle Athletes
Pioneer
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Announcer : The privately owned CBX brings
you this in 100 degree Ecstasy Vision
It's time for some "Objective Tension". By that I mean episode five, seeing as how Objective Tension is episode five's title. The Great Competition is about to begin! 108 girls will stand, then 107 will fall, and the single girl that is left will reign as Cosuuumoooo-aaaaaah Beruuuuuteeee!!!** for one whole year. Not being one to give any spoilers I'm doing this part before I actually watch the disc (yeah, right). Who thinks that Akari isn't going to win? Okay, seriously. Her competition is her best friend Kris, the batch Mongolian Lahrri, and the psychopathic Mylandah. What else does she have to worry about? Though, to be fair, the turn of events in the last episode that brought about the victor's... victory, they were pretty cool. You also finally get to see a certain blue haired scary person get what's comin' to them. How do you get an already unstable girl mad? Call her the first place girl's "Second Place Cheer Girl". Yeah, that's definitely gonna be working out for you when she's feasting in your intestines like ravioli. Yes, I know there are better pastas to make the analogy with, but I really like ravioli. Especially the stuff Chef Boyardee makes. Oh yeah, that's totally kickin'. |
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The first event, the Steeplechase, was just the coolest. Tanya Natdhipytadd takes an early lead, only to be screwed by a questionable move by Kris, then immediately after by Akari. All I can say to the African Sensation is "At least they didn't take a pipe to your leg." Anyway, the Steeplechase is a set of four different obstacles. I'm telling you, when I saw that giant wall with the moving blocks I had the best flashbacks to Mega Man ever, if I was going to the Girl's Satellite I could take that wall down SO easy. I invented MY OWN curse words trying to get across those bottomless pits with the disappearing and reappearing blocks. My main problem with the OVAs is that there's barely any character development. It's descendent has 26 episodes to flesh out every single character to the hearts and whims of the creators. We never get to see Akari grow in the OVA, we never see her falter. We don't see the hard team work they all go through, Kris, Anna, and Akari are pretty much good at everything from the very start. While I feel ragged on the first Battle Athletes a bit much, it's just not as much fun watching it when I've already seen something that's better. |
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Two good things about the OVA? We get to see a short haired Akari, and Lahrri is much more deep. However, the Lahrri angle isn't a huge one to me, I'm not a big fan of butch girls. I like my women to be small than me so I can have an inflated sense of self-confidence. Couple more statements about hair. Kris and Lahrri actually look like normal people with their hair down. Though I much prefer this Kris to the one with that huge pinkish THING growing out of the back of her head. As for Lahrri, well... at least she doesn't look like a stealth bomber now. |
| Having seen the end of Victory, the end of the OVAs was not really THAT surprising. Hell, for the most part I'd felt like I'd already seen it all. Though I enjoyed the final match up, even though they PERSIST in using the 100 meter dash as a test of the ultimate skills off the toughest girls in the universe. I still refute that, I'm gonna say I can probably run at LEAST 85 meters at one time and I'm not a high school girl with a skimpy costume. If I was though... if I was... |  |