Battle Athletes
#2: Ready
Pioneer
60 minutes
English/Japanese
English Subtitles
01/26/1999
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Battle Athletes
Pioneer
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I feel bad, Battle Athletes was one of my back-up discs for when I didn't feel like watching a lot of anime. It's not a bad series, but the disc is only 60 minutes long and that's the perfect length for watching something at 12:30 am so you can do a review about it the next day. Something came over me though and I had Battle Athletes fever. I guess I just wanted to get some finality on the OVAs, considering what a big whore I am of the TV Series I'd feel bad not watching these three discs through at least once. It gave me a brand new insight into the series, sure it's nowhere near as good as its 26 episode follower and Kris Christopher's weird "hair cocoon" is pretty scary but you could do worse. |
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So Akari is woken up late by her weird little Super Deformed Anna alarm clock. Seems today is the day of the midterms and after chumping the SD girl with a "No DUH Sherlock!" Akari dashes off to, you know, the place where the midterm is gonna be explained to her. This year's is a 40 kilometer run in the semi-abandoned ARMs Satellite. As if 40 kilometers wasn't hard enough, the team of girls has to complete it in TWO HOURS. I couldn't run 40 kilometers in a DAY, I'd light a cigarette after the first hundred and call out. The poor Guatemalan kids who couldn't afford food because I never finished the charity race would be plum out of luck. Take that third world countries! |
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There's a problem though, that psycho bitch and crazy saboteur Mylandah changes the route of the course and the whole place starts falling apart as the PLASMA system fails. The girls are trapped like rats in a maze, only without the cheese at the finish line. Of course, if the rats are trapped then they have no way to get to the cheese. That's what I get for using hackneyed sayings like "rats in a trap". What are they to do? Every time they think they're getting somewhere their route is cut off, they can't access the maps, they can't do anything!! Just leave it to our lord and master Mister Grant Oldman, headmaster of the Girl's Satellite. Cowabunga dude! Surf's up! Then there's the absolutely required hot spring scene. Be afraid, be very afraid** |
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Now, the Tanabata is an event that happens before the "Great Competition" starts, where the boy and girl schools join. They kick it off with a "friendship match". This year Tanya, Akari and Mylandah have been slated to play. They're instructed to use their feminine wiles (or in the case of Mylandah, lack of human features) to beat their male opponents into submission. However, the boy's headmaster, Gerard, has a little plan of his own. It starts with "Ho" and ends with "mosexuals". Good thing I never give spoilers. What can the team do against guys that don't particularly care about throbbing breasts so much as throbbing, well, other things? Hey, I was pleasantly surprise. These episodes were a HUGE upswing, especially the dub. While the gratuitous use of the world "bitch" is still in the English dialogue everything else has improved remarkably, the dub I hated last volume is now one that doesn't bother me at all. Talk about progress! |
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