There was a time when I spent much of my day in one public transportation vehicle or other, traversing the length and breadth of my beloved city in order to reach destinations involving class or work (or alcohol). In those dirty and dangerous times I had no mp3 player to call my own. So, being the super-intelligent fellow that I am, I decided the smart idea would be to plug earphones into my laptop and use that as a PORTABLE MUSIC DEVICE.

Suffice it to say: I am a genius.

Not including the rare event wherein the headphone jack would pop out and my computer would begin to serenade all of bus 44 with trashy Riot Grrl (or even trashier J-Pop), it probably just wasn't good for the laptop to be jostled around like that for upwards of an hour and a half. But I was young, and stupid. So stupid, in fact, that I didn't see $25 for an off-brand discman as a justifiable expense.

So I'm walking to my bus one day. It's been a long day, a nine hour day. All want to do is go home and cool my feet, maybe play some of that absolutely atrocious monster the children were calling P.N. 03. Why I saw that as a particularly appealing thing to do is not germane to my story. As I grossed the parking lot of my more than expansive school campus I saw a dour sight. My bus was rounding the corner and if I let it go too far down the expanse of City Line Ave I'd be doomed to a wait that could exceed twenty minutes. Twenty Minutes. Thanks to the machinations of post-rush hour traffic I saw that I still had a chance as if to spur me on a singular song started playing. This very song. Rayza's ZZ Badnutsy Mix.

The song is like a super imperative. It puts a million exclamation points on the end of anything. It's the perfect music for a high speed space battle. When those effects come in at 0'27 I can see the shooter ship breaking through the clouds as the enemy cruisers above wreak havoc with their laser cannons. Our plucky little fighter is unafraid, ducking and weaving until he can escape the earth's atmosphere. I was no different, deftly making my way through near-gridlock as I tried to catch up with the bus. Without a thought in my mind to the laptop bouncing precariously in the satchel slung over my back I took off at top speed.

0'34 has our pilot breaking through the clouds, the sun flaring behind him as there's a moment's rest before the battle is engaged. The bus is caught at a red-light just a block ahead, giving me time to close the gap. But too late! 0'46 is the launch of the enemy spacecraft and the ensuing battle, where our pilot spins and guns his way against superior forces. The light changing green releases the torrent of cars into the street and there's nothing I can do but run as fast as my heart will allow. I feel like I'm not going to make it, but the song compels me onward, drawing on reserves of strength in my meager body I knew not I possessed.

At 1'27 the guns have recharged and the laser batteries fire once more, doing more damage to the enemy fleet that it does to our hero's little ship. He continually fires, on and on he fights, leaving a trail of sharp wreckage behind him. And when 1'55 rolls the batteries shoot a small burst as our little daredevil kicks it into high gear. It's him versus the cruiser now, and in my world I have caught up with the bus. I am pounding on the side, praying against all I know that the uncaring passengers will inform the bus driver of my quandary. The effusive drumbeats remind me of a swarm of missiles, a brief moment of suspense as a cloud of black smoke fills space. Is he dead? I feel that I am not going to make it. The bus keeps moving.

When 2'22 rolls around we're still holding our breath. Then the pilot bursts through the debris and murky blackness to resume the battle once more, to finish it. I have reached the front of the bus, but the driver points me onward. At this point I have run four and a half blocks at top speed and the bastard wants me to meet him at the next stop? Unkind!

3'04 Is the final showdown, the enemy vessel has taken too much damage, and a final burst cripples the both of them. I have managed my way onto the bus, sloughing out the last half a block until the bus driver would let me on. I collapse into my seat to the applause of all the passengers on the bus, as bus denizens are wont to do in situations like this. In space the pilot's ship twirls on its way to Earth's atmosphere, it's erratic movement confirming what we feared. Our brave pilot has sacrificed his life in order to accomplish his goal.

There is no applause as his vehicle crashes into terra firma, but his success is no less felt. He has saved the world today. In my seat I lie back and close my eyes. My goal, though not as noble, had been accomplished too and, without a sputter or cough, my laptop served me throughout. I'll even be home in time to watch Seinfeld.

But Could I Drive To This?: I don't necessarily care either way, but I don't feel like I have a lot of need for that sort of thing. My memories of this song will always been entwined with that fateful run near 54th street. I don't know if I could listen to it in a car, but you should heart my heart rate soar at the first few notes. With this tune blasting in your ears I'm not convinced you'd even NEED a car. Your feet should take you wherever you need to go.