Final Fantasy Adventure is a game that I've lost more times than I could count. The initial copy was my own, when I first acquired a Gameboy Pocket. The second belonged to my friend and heterosexual life partner Greg, or more specifically his cousin, and the third was sent to me by a rather generous member of the forums at the former drunkgamers.com. That one got lost in the mail, so I guess it wasn't my fault.

Earlier this year I picked up Sword of Mana, the Gameboy Advance reinvisioning of the classic tale. Apparently 'reinvisioning' is secret Japanese code for 'crap' because that game was like someone throwing vomit into my mouth. Sometimes I would just start crying for no reason while I was holding the controller. I didn't actually lose Sword of Mana, I just wish I did.

I don't remember a single bit of the score from Final Fantasy Adventure. The Gameboy doesn't seem like the best place to compose works of modern art, try as some might to prove me wrong. They're dirty and Swedish though, so they don't count.

Big Giant Circles is a nice, American name and he gives us a nice, American rendition of what would appear to be the theme from the final battle of the game that I probably beat when I was fifteen. I can't really confirm this since I'm apparently unable keep my dirty little hands on two inches of gray plastic for more than a week before it disappears into the crevasse of the couch or my roommate's ass (don't ask).

The song sounds less like your standard Fantasy RPG fare and more like the rev-up sequence of some ridiculous Japanese shooter where you pilot a bee that's actually a robot that's actually a plane and you have to shoot down robots who are in actuality bees, or descended from bees or sent by bees. It's all very confusing. At 0'54 I can see the launch sequence being (no pun intended!) accomplished, the pilot checking his stock of venomous stingers for the long flight ahead. Here at 1'20 BGC decides that he's going to make copious use of what my high school band used to call the "vibroslap". Which probably was the real name for that instrument. I can't decide whether that or "vibrosmack" sounds more like it was made up by sexually starved fourteen year olds. 2'20 is, I don't know, some sort of refueling sequence or something and then 2'38 heralds the return of the action, and the final battle against the bee queen! Pollen and royal jelly fill the air as the fight rages on and the final few hits around 3'38 herald the death of the evil bee matriarch, who was also a robot.

And also in space.

But Could I Drive To This?: I can't concentrate enough to answer this question. I keep thinking about that bee game...