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The gaming fandom has sort or a bizarre, disturbing trend that I feel like I should relate to you because that's sort of what I do here. I relate things that I care about to whatever six people stumbled upon this page accidentally while looking for various pieces of animated pornography. It's basically the modus operandi of the internet, to give your opinions to the greater world that most likely couldn't care less and I find that I am no different. But the concept of blogging, as pointless and narcissistic as it is, isn't really what I'm trying to decry here, no. Even though the idea of a livejournal makes me a deeply ill in my heart of hearts I have a more profound stigma of gaming society that I want to talk to you about for just a little while. Please bear with me while I complain my ass off. If you want uncensored pictures of Tifa totally boning Yuffie with a materia-filled condom then you're probably better off looking somewhere else. Sorry about that. |
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I'm sure we've all had our secret crushes. There's been a host of my parent's friends, high school teachers and coworkers that I've had a "thing" for at various natal points in me life. This is just a fact of the world in which we live in. I think, provided you don't obsess about them, there's nothing wrong with having a bit of an idealized idea of what you'd do if you ever got the chance to get down and dirty with Person X under the sheets. My sixth grade teacher, a person I'll call Ms. Rumplemintz because I can't remember her real name (and Rumplemintz is my de facto covert drink), was a real looker and in my twelve year old mind I really felt like I had the guts and panache to woo her. My childhood fantasies were unfounded, unfulfilled and still kind of linger in my Freudian unconscious. I think that, ten years later, I'm pretty much mature enough to understand what I was going through. I was twelve years old and I had a pretty solid, amorous feeling in my heart of hearts.
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You've done it too, even if you won't admit to it that's okay, but there are actually people out there who spend their time thinking not on their parent's sexy, married churchgoer friend Nora (who, I swear, I totally just made up). Instead they think of Shenara, mistress of the dark inferno whose fire blades spin and twirl with the fury of a thousand suns. I suppose, as it goes, there's nothing egregiously wrong with that either. Anyone who's played a rousing game of Soul Calibur with me knows my strange predilection for Ivy and her aristocrat's costume. There's a point, however, where it transitions into insanity and people say things like this: Rayne has the best body of any female characters. The DOA Girls and Lara Croft are no competition. However, Rayne's body isn't the only thing that's hot about her, I don't know about anyone else but a chick that can kick some tail is HOT. I wouldn't mind being bitten by that! (re: the titular character of Bloodrayne 2) |
A normal person who plays video games would likely find that statement a little weird. A person who is even lukewarm towards videogames would probably decide that the guy who took a minute out of his life to post that on an obscure message board was absolutely out of his mind, he's bonkers. And that's not even that bad! While I speak, while you read, people are writing stories about Lara Croft getting her rectum abused by ancient Incan statues. In Japan someone's drawing Chun-Li with a penis, a penis, and Chun-Li is using her newfound organ to forcibly molest little Sakura's mouth like there was a lost Mayan gold vein in there and the only way she could dig it would be through the erratic manipulation of her feral man-pole.
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If you can't see this as dangerous then there's something wrong with your brain, fella. Because now these people have strange illusions of grandeur. They don't want money, they want Tifa's pert little melons hanging over their face. Now they won't go out and try to propagate our species, maybe a good thing, because they're so obsessed with the computerized "perfection" in front of them that a real girl couldn't possibly measure up. I've known people like this who will complain about a mole on a girl's cheek while double fisting Doritos and holding a can of Mountain Dew in the cavernous folds of their gut. Another quote from our winner: Well the schoolgirl outfit is nice for showing off her ass, which is the epitome of all things that are great in videogames, but I like the evening gown outfit the most. Maybe it's because I like Raynes rack a bit more than her ass. Theoretically this man is a future leader of our country. Does it worry you? It worries me! It worries me that this person is spitting on my hobby and dragging it through the mud, to the point where I'm ashamed to bring it up in a conversation for fear of the sociopolitical ramifications that come with it. Once again, a small fraction of the participants in my dorky leisure activity are making it less dorky and more like something that turns you into the ultimate pariah. Here's a hint Eugene, lesbian fan-fiction can only love you so much. |
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