Index / Cooking
  SPECIAL: The Phantom Extraneous Thanksgiving

"Too good to eat" Pumpkin Pie!

3/4 cup sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ginger
1/4 tsp. cloves
2 eggs
1 can Pumpkin Pie Mix
1 can evaporated milk
1 9 inch pie shell
3 tbsp butter
2/3 cup brown sugar
2/3 cup pecans


Pumpkin Pie mix or Evan's doo doo butter? I'm afraid to ask.

What's a Thanksgiving without pie? If you queried the staff they would tell you: normal. This does not stop us from making at least two pies every year that end up getting eaten eventually, by one person, like a week after thanksgiving. Hopefully you'll be able to utilize this recipe more appropriately than we did!

Preheat your oven to a saucy 425°, then commence mixing the pie mix, sugar, cinnamon, ginger, salt, cloves, eggs and evap. You'll beat this mixture like Bobby does to Whitney (though without the catchy tune of Humpin' Around playing) and pour it into your pie crust.

Insert the gooey substance into the oven and let it cook for 15 minutes, at which point you'll reduce to 350° and let it cook for another 45 minutes. Meanwhile you can combine the butter, brown sugar and pecans (all melted up a little). Take your pie out of the oven and poor the delectably atrocious pecan mix over the whole thing. Stick it in your broiler and broil for just one minute. The result will hopefully be astonishing!

Ours was more like... astonishing(ly ugly). But same difference!

Joel gave us the surprisingly logical suggestion of making the pies before dinner and maybe then they would get eaten. Well, we did and they didn't.
Pies: 4 0

A masterpiece suggested by my good friend G. Turner (née peccaui). Turkey + Bacon = artery stop!

We went to three stores to find this stupid stuff, I burnt it and nobody ate it. Hooray Swiss Chard!

Extraneous Thanksgiving has never been a particularly easy affair and this year was no different. My plan was well thought out, at first, we shopped early and even managed to secure ourselves a free turkey via Joel's Shoprite card. Joel was surprisingly amicable to the idea of us ruining the kitchen of the place he's house-sitting. I had to ask! It's so much bigger! However, through the complications and workarounds of this modern world, Jerry and Skabla were not in attendance. Alan disappeared because I told him, like a retard, we'd be breaking tradition and doing it on Saturday. Here, I break tradition too by taking less than the minimum six months to post an Extraneous Thanksgiving journal. On the plus side, Andrew lost his wallet and rooted through a bag of trash. Awesome!

I'll take this moment to give a bit of an aside. I love the holiday of Thanksgiving, it's my favorite of all time. Over this past four years I've found it entirely heartening that I've been able to spend every post-Thanksgiving Friday with my good friends, cooking up a meal that might serve to make even Joel's mom envious. That's a tricky feat! Not only is the woman an excellent cook, she's like seven feet tall!

Though I fear that we might drift apart at some point, I will cherish these memories always in my heart of hearts. There's something special about the Master Chef experience and Extraneous Thanksgiving really coheses that into a tangible whole. Wouldn't trade it for the world, guys.

But maybe for a case of beer, I'd trade a few of them away... and no, I'm not going to kiss any of you. That's just wrong.

I have a hard time believing anyone can celebrate Thanksgiving without at least two types of pork on the menu.

The sausage was then transferred to make this badass stuffing. While this form looks harmless, it quickly metastasized into a ninety foot tall robot with laser eyes.

Not only are these host people vegetarians, so they don't have 90% of the spices and panache that we need, they have stupid plus shaped rubber ice cube trays!

Where is my wallet?
I hope it's in this trashcan!

I kept crossing my fingers that he'd break a tooth. Maybe next year...
Whenever someone combines two types of meat in one dish I just break down and start crying all over myself. God, it was just beautiful.
Turkey bandits! No!
When I showed this picture to Joel he laughed like the dickens. The dickens!
The clock Greg stands next to provides an ominous portent or our poor planning skills.
That's 1:15 AM and that's the first piece of food anyone ate.

The Master Chefs want YOUR cooking suggestions. Send them to