Index

 

Week One: Chili and Cornbread

Prepare for some delicious down home cooking as the Master Chefs guide you through chili and cornbread Park Towne Plaza style in the very first "Cooking with the Master Chefs".

 

Week Two: Tuna Casserole

Not anything particularly complicated, but it's easy to whip up in a half an hour and it'll feed four people. As long as Joel isn't around.

 

Week Three: Thanksgiving in May

A very special Cooking with the Master Chefs as Andrew returns from Geneva (that's in France) and I realize I've got one bigass turkey that needs cooking. Get ready as the Master Chefs take on this hearty, but daunting task.

 

Week Four: Meatloaf

Special guest cook Mike DeMaria brings something irreplaceable to the kitchen, a digital camera. Cooking with the Master Chefs will never be the same! That is, until next week.

 

Week Five: Cabbage and Beef

It's been a long fucking time and I'm not really sure that a recipe like this is worth the wait. All the same we've provided it to you here for your eating pleasure. Or pain, more likely.

 

Special!: Extreme Cocoa: Part II!

The mix you can only make once a year, it'd take crazy people from a country that is not ours to think this up, and what do you know... they did! Bowel rending awaits inside. (There's like 400k of images on this page. 56k users, I'm sorry)

 

Week Six: Tuna, the New Style

We've come back to our old nemesis, tuna, and let me tell you... this time it won't be pretty. At least the sink won't, because Jerry dropped half the tuna in it.

 

Special!: Defrosting

You have a quart of egg nog that's frozen stiffer than an anime dork at a lingerie cosplay show and a bunch of thirsty ingrates to feed. What do you do? What DO you do?

 

Week Seven: Chicken Parmesan

This isn't actually week seven, this is more like week four or something. I'm just to lazy to do these things, but if you actually check this page you're in luck! Here we go with the "blast from the past" Cooking with the Master Chefs.

 

Week Eight: Grillin'

So, we took basically a year off. I know cooking went on during that time as I was most definitely a part of it... however, we never really got around to committing it here. That might be better, because I don't know how many people want to see that horrid apple dish we made, or the marmalade chicken. Without further ado, please enjoy the only way to make some badass Russian Dressing.

 

Week Nine: Cheeseburger Tacos

Another hiatus? It's about normal for us and our Master Chef-ing ways, but I can guarantee you now, with the cold weather coming, we'll be doing a lot more indoor cooking and a lot less of that delicious barbeque-stylings. For our triumphant return, please join us in the delicious fusing of North and South. Cheeseburger Tacos.

 

Week Ten: Oriental Creamed Chipped Beef

With the advent of Joel we decided it was time for another "X meets Y" style dish, so here we go. A fusion of the deliciousness of your local diner and all the bile that you may end up regurgitating while eating this is: Oriental Creamed Chipped Beef. Not all bad, just mostly bad. If you make this and hate us for it, please realize that we COULD'VE posted the apple chicken recipe or the marmalade chicken recipe instead. You don't want that. Nobody wants that.

 

Week Eleven: Fried Salmon Cakes

'Salmon cakes?' you ask, 'A fools errand!' and I would almost agree, but ones with the fortitude and alacrity of Master Chefs know no fear, even in the face of what could be as spectacular as the mistake of the previous week. Though the massivicity of The Joel was not present for this monumental event, feel assured that a his portion was left to the side should it ever be needed (two hours later, when I ate it).

 

Special!: The Extraneous Thanksgiving Strikes Back

Sort of a lost archive, the second Extraneous Thanksgiving was a pretty massive affair and now, a year and a half later when I actually get around to posting it, it's sort of a curious look back into the final days of quite a few fan-service.com traditions. This is the last Master Chefs captured by film and not a digital camera, the last Master Chefs to take place at my parent's house, and probably the last Master Chefs where I won't have an "ugly face" in at least one picture. Whether or not this is by the virtue of me not actually being in any pictures is up to you to decide, fair reader.

 

Special!: The Return of Extraneous Thanksgiving

Cooking a turkey is an easy task, or so you'd think, especially when it's been done perfectly for two years prior. That's where you'd be wrong bro, oh so wrong. But who's wrong (you) and who's right (me)? Inside you'll find a delightful journey through the forests of delight, except for the turkey. We broke that bad.

 

Week Twelve: Chicken mushroom... surprise!!

At fan-service.com when you start with one recipe, it often blossoms into something else. When Joel comes down to visit his erstwhile home it's often prudent to have a meal prepared that is not only delicious, but also in a sufficient size to feed a pulchritude of people. Such was not the lot in life of fan-service.com. Still, as always, the beautiful butterfly emerges from the cocoon of the disgusting caterpillar. I'm starting to think "It could be worse!" is becoming our mantra.

 

Week Thirteen: Pasta/Beef Attack (or) Bye Bye My 711 North

Sort of a depressing finale to a three year tradition of Master Chef's cooking. This, our weird Pasta/Beef dish, is to be the final thing to be cooked by a master chef in the illustrious dwelling that was Park Towne Place: 711 North Building. For those that knew us and knew it, don't regret. This isn't the end of the Master Chefs and we have only (mostly) fond (somewhat fond) memories of that building. God bless it and keep it. Bye Bye My 711 North.

 

Special!: Extreme Cocoa: Part IV!

If you said there was no Part III, I would say that you were a liar and then I'd slap the hell out of you. The truth of it is that Extreme Cocoa Part III was such a slipshod affair that it's probably better forgotten than it is remembered. I remember JL being in attendance, sorely missed here, but Sambo was not. In this Extreme Cocoa, we dose Sambo up with a massive influx of sugar and crap before sending him off to the marines. Hooray!

 

Special!: The Phantom Extraneous Thanksgiving

It's been a rather uneventful year for the master chefs due to scheduling woes. Hopefully this Extraneous Thanksgiving will go a long way in putting us back on track. One can dream, at least! In Judaism, my natal religion, Thanksgiving is not practised. Fortunately we have a very similar holiday called "Jauv Best Wabx" which means, approximately, "Joel is Gay" but I didn't have enough of those stupid play school magnet letters to write it. Shabbat Shalom Aleichem, brothers!

 

Week Fourteen: Manwich, the Sandwich that Loves You Back!

The fact that we actually did cooking just blows my mind. Doesn't it blow yours? On a scale of one to ten, how blown is your mind? I'd rank it a four, but quickly rising to a five! Also rising is the level of grease in my blood, which is dangerous, but probably not more than the disgusting amounts of alcohol I've consumed over the past few days.

 

Week Fifteen: Little Girl Lasagna

Having Master Chefs so close to each other is a dangerous game, but mostly just for my wallet. As I convinced a few friends to spend their Friday night with me, finalizing some filming, we decided to dedicate a good portion of our time to putting together this fanciful treat. With a recipe I wrote down on a bar napkin, you really can't fail!

If Joel doesn't decide to beat me up after reading this... hooray!

 

Week Sixteen: Memorial Day!

While I am a genius, putting me behind the camera often leads to dastardly results and a bunch of pictures I think are funny, but really aren't. So I kind of had to root through about three thousand shots of people's asses and the five times we tried to catch a hotdog flying off the balcony The end result is I don't have a single picture of the food aside from the one featured left of Ben with a bun stuffed in his craw.

The burgers were pretty good, though. The beer was even better!

 

Week Seventeen: Salsa (not so) Verde! Or: Salsa de Joel

There's nothing quite like a labor day in the ghetto. Now that I'm gainfully employed I find the need to take advantage of every extra day off by getting as drunk as possible and leering at the breasts of girls while under the pretense of deeply intellectual sociopolitical conversations. It wouldn't be a good day of labor without it! Come with us to the confines of Ben's West Philadelphia apartment where we discuss Czech communism and delicious tortilla chips.

 

Week Eighteen: Tuna Cook-off!

A simple recipe for a simple people, the true test is who can find the best flavor of potato chips for their respective dinner dish. I guess the answer is me, because I bought ALL the potato chips... but the general consensus was that the barbeque chips provided a better result overall. Tuna, cream of mushroom soup, and plain potato chips all have one thing in common.

They don't TASTE LIKE ANYTHING.

 

SPECIAL! Attack of the Extraneous Thanksgiving

This year we bring Kung-Fu Ninjitsu Karate style to the kitchen in our biggest, most content-filled Master Chefs to date! Images and recipes are abound as we present to you the entirety of the fan-service.org spread. It was a wonderful night, us drinking, and cooking, and forgetting key ingredients and having to run out into the cold to get them. But why are you wasting time reading?? Just click and the whole visual world of the master chefs is open to your perfidious ocular perusal. If you have a 56k modem this page will make you cry

And then, subsequently, I will make you cry. GET OUT OF THE STONE AGE GRANDPA!

 

Week Nineteen: A Very Noggy New Years!

Our New Years could be considered a bit of a disappointment in many ways, mostly due to the fact that half the party left before midnight. But those that remained, as few as they were, were as stalwart a crew of alcoholics as I have ever had the pleasure of killing time with. Come with us into a mystical world where cooking and drinking combines in a much more legitimate way than it USUALLY does with us. I can see only benefits from this impassioned feat!