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  EXTREME!! Cocoa: Part Quatre

1/2 gallon of chocolate ice cream
1/2 gallon of milk
1 pound sugar
1 pound cocoa powder

Or if you're the animals that we are, double all that. Then cry like the girl you are. Because you will most assuredly die while imbibing. Also, put in sprinkles for no apparent reason.

Recipe courtesy of

If you want to be "legit" about it and not use our crappy paraphrased recipe, here's the real one.

This was the entirety of the Ice Cream Team's Job

What started as simply cocoa and sugar...

Ice Cream Team:

Let the ice cream get a bit soggy, cut it up, put it in your big bucket and mix it with 1/3 of the milk.

Cocoa Team:

Start boiling up a good amount of water. Put a quarter of the cocoa in your heatproof jug. Add some water, stir, keep adding cocoa, water, and sugar while stirring. Eventually it's gonna be all thick and possibly lumpy. That's when you make me test it, unless I somehow get away and Skabs has to do it. Sucker.

Now all you have to do is take it nice and slow add the cocoa to the ice cream, stirring all the while. After that add the rest of the milk and you're good to go.

...turns into disgusting vaguely fecal goo. Thank your lucky starts the resolution ain't so good.

The previous picture: Not so gross now

Back in the saddle, with new mirrorshades, I test the batch.

The power of cocoa is a mysterious thing, friends. Reading this it might not sound like something like this would take you in. Well, one wonders. Our friendship with Sambo was rekindled over the summer when he took up lodging in the apartment of Herr Bare and myself.

Sometime in the past it was revealed that Sambo was joining up with the marines, becoming a jarhead, and moving on towards a real career while I indulge in a fantasy land where good jobs fly at me with terrycloth wings and require me to do no actual work. With Sambo's ship out date rapidly approaching, there was only one choice: Extreme Cocoa Part Four.

(Yes, there was a Part Three. But we lost the pictures and Sambo wasn't there. Fuck that noise)

Similar results ensue.

We like to call these guys "Play on the computer and don't help" team.

Proof positive that Greg isn't the only Asian who can make ridiculous faces.

God bless you Sambo, and godspeed in your basic training. We hope that your three brief flirtations with the sport of Extreme Cocoa imbued you with the moral fiber necessary to excel in the United States Armed services. There's always gonna be a cup sitting out here for you.

You were always our constant companion and my personal nemesis when it came to chocolatey beverages. When you come back we're going to sit down and drink our asses off, both cocoa and non-cocoa varieties. But first I'll crack you in the head with a pipe, you know, to even the odds.

Psyching yourself up for cocoa, not as easy as you'd think.

Though I loathe Paul Anderson, his Alien Vs. Predator blood tattooing is easily converted into cocoa. It's fortunate that I look like I'm totally drunk in this picture, because that would almost provide an excuse.
An historic meeting of Ice Cream and Cocoa teams. Skabs seems unaffected by Sambo's sinister glares. The light of god shines on from behind the mystery chocolate blend.
Always a stalwart competitor. I miss ya already, little buddy.
A cup left out, in true Hebrew tradition, for our missing Chino-Jew, Jon Levy
Good cocoa? Only the best.

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